Bill Maher on "The Tonight Show" last week talking about everyone's least favorite Valentine's Day present: santorum..
(Santorum surge starts around 2:05 mark.)
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Santorum Mailbag OR Holy Shit That's A Lot Of Mail
Guys I'm sorry I've been neglecting you! I have been very busy offending everyone on the Internet by not liking Ron Paul or being nice about it. I'm sure you understand.
Actually, everyone who didn't email me about the Cumming Rally emailed me about this image. I have to say, I really admire the creativity and tenacity of you santorum fans.
Anyway, here's a sample of the approximately 20 grillion messages I've received of late:
I think this wins headline of the year. It is too good for them to not have realized what they were doing.
Yep. This headline was so good that fourteen million people sent it to me. It's hard to imagine that the journalists responsible aren't doing this on purpose. For my personal amusement. Thank you, journalists!
You know how we keep hearing about Santorum's "Surge" in popularity? Better use that Santorum Surge Protector.
Yay!
Not sure what the origin of this is, but my friend showed me a picture today that is a mosaic of Rick Santorum made up of photos of gay porn. Thought you might enjoy it.
See this week's This Modern World.
That's great! I won't repost it because, unlike the maker of the above gay porn masterpiece, Tom Tomorrow actually makes a living off his work. But you should all look at it.
Hi,
I just watched the movie milk with sean penn and i want to find out how i can help human rights in america
Kind Regards
A belgian dude
First of all, I'd like to say that I find it both humbling and hilarious that you chose us as your vehicle for "helping human rights in america." It's great that you want to help, Belgian dude, but I'm not actually sure what you can do (except, of course, to donate to organizations like the ACLU and the Human Rights Campaign).
The fact is that human rights in America are on a fucking roll right now. Our "gay agenda" to "normalize homosexuality" by clearly illustrating that gay people are, in fact, normal is working, and moderates are beginning to realize that denying rights to gay people is totally bullshit. Among our recent legislative victories is the ever-increasing number of states that allow gay marriage. I think it's fair to assume that re-electing Obama for a second term will mean the legalization of marriage equality on a federal level. But these are things that you need to be able to vote (and donate to political campaigns) in the US to help accomplish. I think the best help you can offer us is to wish us well. As long as none of these ass-backwards Republicans get elected in November, we'll be good.
Saw your blog. What happened in your childhood to turn you into such a mean petty bitch? Go fuck yourself and replace those batteries in your vibrator you fucking cunt
This actually came to my personal email address, so I can't guarantee that it's actually in reference to this blog, but let's assume it is because my other blog is mostly about clothes I want and boys I have crushes on.
Anyway... ahem... I don't use a vibrator because I actually get laid unlike you, you fucking piece of shit. Go die or whatever. I'm telling my mom.
gingrich (ging-RICH) n. 1. a threadbare fabric constructed of dried sperm, cum, and pubic hair. 2. Former US Representative Newt Gingrich
Add to:
www.spreadingromney.com
www.spreadingsantorum.com
Thank you.
Man, we didn't even make Spreading Romney. That was an inspired fan much like yourself. If I were you, however, I probably wouldn't waste my money on Gingrich, since his campaign is deader than Rick Santorum's sex life. BADUM-CHA.
Dear Mr. Santorum:
How do you feel about the use of contraception?
Charlie
Seriously. I'd say about once a week, somebody (apparently) mistakes Spreading Santorum for Rick Santorum's actual website and sends an email intended for him to me. Of course, I always do the dutiful thing and forward it along to Rick's campaign. I'm not a monster.
They bottled it.
So they did. Too bad about the Ron Paul buttons, though.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Santorum on Romney (and "santorum" on Romney?)
In the latest ad from Santorum (big "S"), it appears that Romney is shooting out santorum (little "s"), & Romney even gets some santorum on himself.
The substance in the ad is supposed to be mud, but it also looks like a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex (aka "santorum")--and it's not being "slung"; it's being shot out of (the orifice of) a gun.
This apparently unintended "santorum" joke should be obvious to anyone familiar with the neologism. So was anyone in the Santorum camp in on the joke?
Santorum has never been one to laugh off the neologism "santorum", so it seems highly unlikely that Santorum is even aware of the joke--which makes Santorum an even bigger dumbass than we'd thought.
Still, the message of the ad is clear: You mess with the bull, you get the horns. And you mess with Santorum, you get the santorum.
Or maybe it's: Fight fire with fire. And fight Santorum with santorum.
Or maybe: I'm wearing a rubber, and you're glue. Whatever you shoot out that looks like santorum will not stick to me but will in fact be all over you.
Or something.
Wait--it appears that the santorum on Romney may not have come out of Romney's gunhole! Did Santorum shoot that santorum at Romney? (This is known as the "2nd shooter" theory.) So maybe after Romney & Santorum's wild tussle, they BOTH had some santorum stored up?!
Whatever the message is supposed to be, this much IS clear: Romney & Santorum are doing anal sex incorrectly. When you're all done having anal sex (gay or straight), you DON'T want to end up with santorum.
So America, when you're in the voting booth, please do anal sex correctly, so that we don't all end up with Santorum.
The substance in the ad is supposed to be mud, but it also looks like a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex (aka "santorum")--and it's not being "slung"; it's being shot out of (the orifice of) a gun.
This apparently unintended "santorum" joke should be obvious to anyone familiar with the neologism. So was anyone in the Santorum camp in on the joke?
Santorum has never been one to laugh off the neologism "santorum", so it seems highly unlikely that Santorum is even aware of the joke--which makes Santorum an even bigger dumbass than we'd thought.
Still, the message of the ad is clear: You mess with the bull, you get the horns. And you mess with Santorum, you get the santorum.
Or maybe it's: Fight fire with fire. And fight Santorum with santorum.
Or maybe: I'm wearing a rubber, and you're glue. Whatever you shoot out that looks like santorum will not stick to me but will in fact be all over you.
Or something.
Wait--it appears that the santorum on Romney may not have come out of Romney's gunhole! Did Santorum shoot that santorum at Romney? (This is known as the "2nd shooter" theory.) So maybe after Romney & Santorum's wild tussle, they BOTH had some santorum stored up?!
Whatever the message is supposed to be, this much IS clear: Romney & Santorum are doing anal sex incorrectly. When you're all done having anal sex (gay or straight), you DON'T want to end up with santorum.
So America, when you're in the voting booth, please do anal sex correctly, so that we don't all end up with Santorum.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Santorum Came To Washington Yesterday
And so did gay marriage!
(I have no idea where this image originated. I stole it from a friend's facebook wall or timeline or whatever they're calling it now...)
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