Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Go Ask Alice

(Posted by Jocelyn)

From Fox News:

Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum said Attorney General Eric Holder has to be high to want to try terrorists in civilian courts.

"He must be under some influence because he certainly isn't thinking clearly," Santorum said Tuesday.

Santorum was explaining a comment he made during a campaign stop Monday in Iowa.

"Maybe he is eating mushrooms," he said.

Santorum said he was responding to Holder's recent characterization of the civilian court system as the United States' best tool against terrorism.

Mushrooms? Really? I mean, is Holder staring at wood grain claiming that it looks like a river? It's he locked in a dark bathroom playing with glow-in-the-dark paint and trying not to look in the mirror? Or is he sobbing because he never realized how empty his life is? Because if not, the chances of him being high on mushrooms are pretty small.

The defense for trying terrorists in civilian courts actually makes a lot of sense. The idea is that rather than glorify what these people have done by treating them as a valid adversary, we treat them like the criminals they are and try them in the same courts that rapists and murderers get tried in. Then, when they're convicted, we send them to the same prisons that rapists and murderers go to rather than another holding tank filled with their buddies. It also gives the US military the opportunity not to be in a situation where "advanced interrogation techniques" can happen and, therefore, backfire (whether in the public eye or otherwise). It's a pretty good deal.

But, you know, I'm high on a designer cocktail of heroin, Adderall, and antihistamines, so what do I know?*

*Just kidding. I did take an ibuprofen about an hour ago, but I remain sober.

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