Can Someone Please Get Santorum Off the Gay Soldiers?

Did you watch the Republican debate last night? Me neither. I value my sanity enough to catch the highlights the next day. Here is one such highlight (from The Huffington Post):

To be fair, booing gay soldiers hardly seems shocking after previous Republican debate attendees cheered executions and people dying without health insurance. I am, however, a little surprised that the crowd seemed so supportive of Santorum, whom I thought was moments away from dropping out of the race.

From The Washington Post:

When the Republican presidential contenders debated in Orlando tonight, it was really two debates. In the first third of the evening, a series of disjointed questions without follow-ups, Texas Gov. Rick Perry seemed strong and well-prepared. But he faded over the rest of the debate, appearing to lose his steam just as he was trying to paint Mitt Romney as a flip-flopper.

The big winner of the night, however, was Rick Santorum.

Santorum has been waiting for the chance to supplant Rep. Michele Bachmann (Minn.) as the third-ranking candidate in the race. Tonight he went a long way toward achieving that. Bachmann never managed to make a presence. Santorum, however, socked Perry on in-state tuition breaks for Texas college students who are illegal immigrants, making the point that Perry is subsidizing those people over non-Texan American citizens. On Afghanistan, he hit a home run, telling off Jon Huntsman Jr. over the latter’s suggestion to bug out of a war short of victory. He barked, “Just because our economy is sick doesn’t mean America is sick.” When asked about right-to-work laws, Santorum smartly steered the discussion to public employee unions. As the debate went on, he received more and more questions, a sure sign he was becoming a contender.

I remember when Bill Clinton's second term was coming to an end and Bush and Gore were duking it out for the presidency. I was thirteen at the time, and a big fan of Saturday Night Live. Shortly before the election, they did a special where they interviewed the cast members about the joys of making fun of politicians. They also asked everyone whom they wanted to win. I can't remember who said it, but one of the SNL cast said that they were hoping for Bush because they thought he'd be more fun to mock every Saturday. I remember being outraged: comedy is not a reason to support a politician! Since getting the opportunity to write for this fine blog, however, I've come to understand exactly what that unmemorable SNL cast member was feeling.

I am rooting for Santorum.

Not to win the presidency, obviously: that would be disastrous. But dammit, I really want him to win the Republican nomination. I want to take the piss out of him for as long as possible. It was getting kind of lame and sad making fun of what seemed like the next candidate to drop out of the race. Making fun of the Republican party's rising star, however, is so much more satisfying.

So, good job, Rick. Good job painting the DADT repeal as an excuse for gay soldiers to fuck in the trenches. Good job pandering to the lowest common denominator (the majority of your constituents). And, finally, good job not giving up when your chances of winning seemed nothing short of nonexistent. I genuinely would love nothing more than for you to win the Republican nomination.

Because then Obama would definitely get re-elected.