Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum said the gay community has "gone out on a jihad" against him for his stance against gay marriage.Oh no! The two biggest threats to America - gays and Muslims - are comin' to git ya (and yer jobs, and yer guns) if ya don't vote for Rick Santorum! RUN FER YER LIIIIIIIVES!!!!!!!!
"So the gay community said, 'He's comparing gay sex to incest and polygamy, how dare he do this,' and they have gone out on a, I would argue, jihad against Rick Santorum since then," the former senator said at a campaign stop in Spartanburg, S.C., on Friday.
Oh, wait. I forgot I'm not an idiot. Santorum, on the other hand, is. What he doesn't realize is that his fear-mongering statement that the gay community is committing 'jihad' against him is actually the most accurate thing he's said possibly ever.
Literally translated, the word 'jihad' means 'struggle.' Rather than harping on the ancient, militant connotation of jihad, modern Muslim scholars have applied the word to Gandhi's struggle for Indian independence and the women's suffrage movement. The struggle, then, for equal rights for all Americans could easily fall in that same category.
Like Muslims, who have a duty to their god to wage a moral and spiritual battle - whether it be against oppressors or against other kinds of obstacles, proponents of equality have a duty to struggle against those who would oppress us. As Senator Poopy-Lube has been so gracious as to practically wear a neon sign around his neck that says "BIGOT," he's kind of an easy target. Plus, you know, it's fun to make fun of him because he actually responds. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THE BEST WAY TO MAKE US GO AWAY IS TO IGNORE US, RICK?
Allah knows we'd love it if we could ignore you.