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Thursday, December 6, 2012
Santorum All Over U.N. Disability Treaty
For the 37th time in the past 2 years, last night, "The Colbert Report" showed us exactly why & how Santorum is a stain on America.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Santorum: Smart People Do Not Like Me
On last night's "The Colbert Report"...
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Values Voter Summit Gaffe | ||||
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Friday, July 27, 2012
Santorum on last's night's Colbert Report: Secret Sauce Santorum
Santorum starts foaming at the mouth around the 3:20 mark.
The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Santorum Mailbag
Unsurprisingly, there hasn't been a lot of mail since Rick's abortion of his campaign. I did want to share this with you though:
Im a student at [redacted just in case] University, I'm 17, and I'm transgender.I would just like to say, thank you.
Have a great day.
And thus, my cold, cold heart was penetrated.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
The Onion: Santorum Bows Out
In the face of a family health crisis and growing resistance from Republican Party leaders, Rick Santorum suspended his presidential campaign. What do you think?Full story here.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Top 10 Things Rick Santorum Can Do Now That He's No Longer Running For President
Did you hear? Rick Santorum is no longer running for president! This is a sad and joyous day for me. On the one hand, it means that I personally beat Rick Santorum and am better at everything than him. On the other hand, however, it means that making fun of him is now kind of pointless.
But, whatever, I lead a pointless life. Here's a list I made of the top 10 things Ricky can do with all his new-found free time:
10. Damage control
There are some vile people out there (us), and they've (we've) done a pretty good job of turning Rick Santorum's good name to shit. Literally. Trying to erase their (our) awesome Internet presence to restore the name 'Santorum' to its pure, unadulterated form is going to take a lot of time. Luckily for Rick, he has that now.
9. Read the Bible
As you and I both know, the Bible says that homosexuality is wrong. But it also says a lot of other stuff is wrong. Perhaps Rick should spend his new-found free time studying up on Biblical hairstyles and the uncleanliness of women before he spouts off about the gay. And hey, Rick, if you're too lazy to read the Bible (or don't want to be corrupted by that stuff in there about being a good person), here's a handy post I wrote about just this very subject lo those many years ago.
8. Become an Ayatollah
Santorum-spreader Ryhan made this little quiz which asks the taker to attribute quotes either to Rick Santorum or Ayatollah Khomeini. I did not get all of them right, which got me thinking that perhaps Rick would be happier in a theocratic society where he gets to tell people how to behave. I wonder if Iran is hiring...
7. Be a DJ
Is this dub-step?
6. Get a job at the Jelly Belly factory.
You know, since he loves it there so much. I'm sure Reagan would be proud.
5. Send thank you notes to his supporters
We get a small stream of frothy hate mail from Rick Santorum Supporters. Here's one from Jeff:
4. Jerk off
I bet he needs it. And look! I even found him some PG-13 porn:
3. Go into business
He could sell this:
submitted by John
2. Work on his tan
Seriously, though. Rick's new-found free time would not go to waste if he used it to get out in the sun a little. Dude is pastier than I am, and I am the whitest person on Earth.
1. Gay Porn
'Nuff said.
But, whatever, I lead a pointless life. Here's a list I made of the top 10 things Ricky can do with all his new-found free time:
10. Damage control
Photo of Michael Hadida, taken by Navid Baraty
There are some vile people out there (us), and they've (we've) done a pretty good job of turning Rick Santorum's good name to shit. Literally. Trying to erase their (our) awesome Internet presence to restore the name 'Santorum' to its pure, unadulterated form is going to take a lot of time. Luckily for Rick, he has that now.
9. Read the Bible
As you and I both know, the Bible says that homosexuality is wrong. But it also says a lot of other stuff is wrong. Perhaps Rick should spend his new-found free time studying up on Biblical hairstyles and the uncleanliness of women before he spouts off about the gay. And hey, Rick, if you're too lazy to read the Bible (or don't want to be corrupted by that stuff in there about being a good person), here's a handy post I wrote about just this very subject lo those many years ago.
8. Become an Ayatollah
Santorum-spreader Ryhan made this little quiz which asks the taker to attribute quotes either to Rick Santorum or Ayatollah Khomeini. I did not get all of them right, which got me thinking that perhaps Rick would be happier in a theocratic society where he gets to tell people how to behave. I wonder if Iran is hiring...
7. Be a DJ
Is this dub-step?
6. Get a job at the Jelly Belly factory.
You know, since he loves it there so much. I'm sure Reagan would be proud.
5. Send thank you notes to his supporters
We get a small stream of frothy hate mail from Rick Santorum Supporters. Here's one from Jeff:
YOU ARE COMPLETELY VILE.I'D WELCOME THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE AWAY YOUR "RIGHT" TO POST THIS TYPE OF REPREHENSIBLE TRASH ON THE INTERNET.
Rick could use his time off to express his gratitude to his great and articulate supporters. I'm sure THEY WOULD APPRECIATE IT.
4. Jerk off
I bet he needs it. And look! I even found him some PG-13 porn:
(source)
3. Go into business
He could sell this:
submitted by John
2. Work on his tan
via joemygod
Seriously, though. Rick's new-found free time would not go to waste if he used it to get out in the sun a little. Dude is pastier than I am, and I am the whitest person on Earth.
1. Gay Porn
submitted by Bob
'Nuff said.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
"The Daily Show" on Santorum on Fat Ladies Singing
Santorum starts frothing at the mouth around the 1:55 mark.
And finally, your "Moment of Zen"...
And finally, your "Moment of Zen"...
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Gingrich
Seriously, why is he still in the race? He's getting beaten by Ron Paul. Quit while you still have some dignity, Newt.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Gay Mon
Remember those cute little Christian gals who made that nice song about their hero Rick Santorum? These vile sodomites made this in response to it:
Mmm... frothy.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Is he saying what I think he's saying?
I mean, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, because even Rick Santorum shouldn't be this stupid, but I can't really think of a logical explanation as to what else "nig..." could mean.
Boo this man.
UPDATE: The spirit on tumblr seems to be one of barely-contained glee. It's like everyone's been waiting for Ricky to say something really fucking racist. I think that reaction might be the best part.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Do Liberals Need to be More Careful With Our Language When We Talk About Women We Do Not Like? Probably.
When the whole Rush Limbaugh/Sandra Fluke issue popped up a couple of weeks ago, the media pattern was pretty predictable. Conservatives said that it didn't matter what Rush Limbaugh said, because he was an entertainer. Liberals, correctly, said that was a load of crap, and that Rush Limbaugh has way too much sway in the Republican party to just call him an entertainer. Conservatives then pointed to Bill Maher, who has called Sarah Palin a c***. Liberals drew two distinctions: (1) Maher is a comedian, and we've typically given comedians more leeway with their acts than other entertainers; and (2) Maher does not have anywhere near as much sway among liberals as Limbaugh has among conservatives.
The most interesting defense I saw of Maher was from Michael Ian Black, who correctly noted that Rush Limbaugh's statements about Sandra Fluke were in fact not a personal attack on Ms. Fluke, but instead a general attack on women's rights. Maher's statements, on the other hand, were personal attacks. Maher didn't say that all conservative women were c***s, but instead solely that Sarah Palin was.
But is that enough that we should be defending Maher's language referring to Ms. Palin, no matter how abhorrent we find her viewpoints? Here is my problem with the defenses of Maher: there are certain words that, when used to describe a woman, are inherently degrading towards women: c***, bitch, slut and whore come to mind immediately. And it really does not matter if I am making a personal attack on an individual or degrading a greater population. If I called a black man the n-word, would it be better because I just really disliked that individual, and wasn't referring to a general population? I somehow doubt the answer to that question would be yes.
The words that are specifically designated towards women are specifically designed to be degrading towards women. There are plenty of gender neutral terms we can use to describe people we think are just not good human beings: Asshole. Douche bag. Sack of shit. Try it with me: Sarah Palin is an asshole. Michele Bachmann is a douche bag. Ann Coulter is a sack of shit. Ah. Doesn't that feel nice?
The most interesting defense I saw of Maher was from Michael Ian Black, who correctly noted that Rush Limbaugh's statements about Sandra Fluke were in fact not a personal attack on Ms. Fluke, but instead a general attack on women's rights. Maher's statements, on the other hand, were personal attacks. Maher didn't say that all conservative women were c***s, but instead solely that Sarah Palin was.
But is that enough that we should be defending Maher's language referring to Ms. Palin, no matter how abhorrent we find her viewpoints? Here is my problem with the defenses of Maher: there are certain words that, when used to describe a woman, are inherently degrading towards women: c***, bitch, slut and whore come to mind immediately. And it really does not matter if I am making a personal attack on an individual or degrading a greater population. If I called a black man the n-word, would it be better because I just really disliked that individual, and wasn't referring to a general population? I somehow doubt the answer to that question would be yes.
The words that are specifically designated towards women are specifically designed to be degrading towards women. There are plenty of gender neutral terms we can use to describe people we think are just not good human beings: Asshole. Douche bag. Sack of shit. Try it with me: Sarah Palin is an asshole. Michele Bachmann is a douche bag. Ann Coulter is a sack of shit. Ah. Doesn't that feel nice?
Santorum Porn
As Rick Santorum inches ever closer to pulling a Hillary* and staying too long at the presidential primary fair, we get to sit back and witness the veritable frothy geiser of comedy gold surging in his direction.
Look! Here's some now:
*I say that with love, Hil-dog. U my grrrrl.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Hawks Fans Rule!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
"The Colbert Report" on What's in Santorum's Heart (Hint: It's Full Of Half-Santorum)
Santorum starts flowing at the 1:07 mark.
The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Guys did you know that Rick Santorum is an asshole?
From the Huffington Post:
"What we say is that in order for Mom to be able to go on welfare if she has a child out of wedlock, you have to tell us who the father is," Santorum said at an event in Carlisle, Pa., on April 1, 1994. "If you don't tell us who the father is, you're not eligible for any welfare benefits, none, not even medical care. You tell us who the father is or you don't receive benefits."
. . .
"We say to Mom that you tell us the wrong name, and we'll bring that guy in and we'll do a blood test and that's not Dad, you lose your welfare benefits,” he said at another event that same day in New Bloomfield. “You lose your welfare benefits ... Not till you tell us another name, but till we find out who Dad is, we establish it."
"But, Jocelyn! That was nearly twenty years ago! Surely he has become less of a giant bag of dicks in the time since then. He has daughters!"
Just kidding. None of you would ever say that because fuck that guy.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
The Onion: Voters Slowly Realizing Santorum Believes Every Deranged Word That Comes Out Of His Mouth
WASHINGTON—As Rick Santorum has emerged to become Mitt Romney's leading opponent for the Republican presidential nomination, the American electorate said Monday it had slowly begun to realize that the former Pennsylvania senator sincerely believes every deranged word that exits his mouth.Full article here.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
"This Modern World" on Santorum on Sexy Time
"Oral" Contraception: Hearing Santorum speak about sex & then not wanting to have sex.
(Also: Apparently, Santorum & his wife have had sex approximately 8 times.)
This Modern World.
(Also: Apparently, Santorum & his wife have had sex approximately 8 times.)
This Modern World.
Flush Santorum
I'm not sure whether the world is getting worse, or I am getting crankier, but the fact that conservatives are losing the "culture" war on teh gays seems to have renewed their focus on my uterus. My uterus seems to be all they can talk about, whether they want me to endure a transvaginal ultrasound should I ever require an abortion, or whether they think the $85 per month I pay for birth control is too cheap, being that I'm a "prostitute."
A person could argue, I suppose, that none of these attacks are specifically targeted at me, but that person is probably a dude, because I know I'm not the only woman who feels personally attacked by the misogynistic bullshit that is literally surging out of the right wing at the moment.
While perhaps not at the epicenter of this particular shit-storm, Rick Santorum is, as you know, no ally to women. Unlike the majority of American Catholics, Rick actually believes not only that abortion is always wrong, but that contraception is too. Of course, he won't legislate that. It's up to the states to decide what's right on those kinds of issues. So, just like anti-woman Ron Paul, he hopes to wash his hands of responsibility by handing down decisions he doesn't want to be associated with to the state governments.
This is the fallacy that Rick Santorum and Ron Paul would have us believe: that they're not planning on attacking our rights. But right now the Oklahoma senate is looking at a fetal personhood bill that would ban most forms of contraception, among other things. Right now there are several states that can (and have done) try and convict women who miscarry for murder. Is it within the rights of state governments to trample ours? You'll have to ask a lawyer, I suppose.
I just hope that when all the queer* folks whom we ladies have been helping in their own struggle for equal rights finally attain them (any day now!), they remember that we're still stuck in the trenches. Pregnant and barefoot and really fucking pissed off.
*Don't take that the wrong way: I just hate the damn acronym.
Oh, and for those of you who are wondering what happened to the Google search results, read this.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Bill Maher on "The Tonight Show" on Santorum
Bill Maher on "The Tonight Show" last week talking about everyone's least favorite Valentine's Day present: santorum..
(Santorum surge starts around 2:05 mark.)
(Santorum surge starts around 2:05 mark.)
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Santorum Mailbag OR Holy Shit That's A Lot Of Mail
Guys I'm sorry I've been neglecting you! I have been very busy offending everyone on the Internet by not liking Ron Paul or being nice about it. I'm sure you understand.
Actually, everyone who didn't email me about the Cumming Rally emailed me about this image. I have to say, I really admire the creativity and tenacity of you santorum fans.
Anyway, here's a sample of the approximately 20 grillion messages I've received of late:
I think this wins headline of the year. It is too good for them to not have realized what they were doing.
Yep. This headline was so good that fourteen million people sent it to me. It's hard to imagine that the journalists responsible aren't doing this on purpose. For my personal amusement. Thank you, journalists!
You know how we keep hearing about Santorum's "Surge" in popularity? Better use that Santorum Surge Protector.
Yay!
Not sure what the origin of this is, but my friend showed me a picture today that is a mosaic of Rick Santorum made up of photos of gay porn. Thought you might enjoy it.
See this week's This Modern World.
That's great! I won't repost it because, unlike the maker of the above gay porn masterpiece, Tom Tomorrow actually makes a living off his work. But you should all look at it.
Hi,
I just watched the movie milk with sean penn and i want to find out how i can help human rights in america
Kind Regards
A belgian dude
First of all, I'd like to say that I find it both humbling and hilarious that you chose us as your vehicle for "helping human rights in america." It's great that you want to help, Belgian dude, but I'm not actually sure what you can do (except, of course, to donate to organizations like the ACLU and the Human Rights Campaign).
The fact is that human rights in America are on a fucking roll right now. Our "gay agenda" to "normalize homosexuality" by clearly illustrating that gay people are, in fact, normal is working, and moderates are beginning to realize that denying rights to gay people is totally bullshit. Among our recent legislative victories is the ever-increasing number of states that allow gay marriage. I think it's fair to assume that re-electing Obama for a second term will mean the legalization of marriage equality on a federal level. But these are things that you need to be able to vote (and donate to political campaigns) in the US to help accomplish. I think the best help you can offer us is to wish us well. As long as none of these ass-backwards Republicans get elected in November, we'll be good.
Saw your blog. What happened in your childhood to turn you into such a mean petty bitch? Go fuck yourself and replace those batteries in your vibrator you fucking cunt
This actually came to my personal email address, so I can't guarantee that it's actually in reference to this blog, but let's assume it is because my other blog is mostly about clothes I want and boys I have crushes on.
Anyway... ahem... I don't use a vibrator because I actually get laid unlike you, you fucking piece of shit. Go die or whatever. I'm telling my mom.
gingrich (ging-RICH) n. 1. a threadbare fabric constructed of dried sperm, cum, and pubic hair. 2. Former US Representative Newt Gingrich
Add to:
www.spreadingromney.com
www.spreadingsantorum.com
Thank you.
Man, we didn't even make Spreading Romney. That was an inspired fan much like yourself. If I were you, however, I probably wouldn't waste my money on Gingrich, since his campaign is deader than Rick Santorum's sex life. BADUM-CHA.
Dear Mr. Santorum:
How do you feel about the use of contraception?
Charlie
Seriously. I'd say about once a week, somebody (apparently) mistakes Spreading Santorum for Rick Santorum's actual website and sends an email intended for him to me. Of course, I always do the dutiful thing and forward it along to Rick's campaign. I'm not a monster.
They bottled it.
So they did. Too bad about the Ron Paul buttons, though.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Santorum on Romney (and "santorum" on Romney?)
In the latest ad from Santorum (big "S"), it appears that Romney is shooting out santorum (little "s"), & Romney even gets some santorum on himself.
The substance in the ad is supposed to be mud, but it also looks like a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex (aka "santorum")--and it's not being "slung"; it's being shot out of (the orifice of) a gun.
This apparently unintended "santorum" joke should be obvious to anyone familiar with the neologism. So was anyone in the Santorum camp in on the joke?
Santorum has never been one to laugh off the neologism "santorum", so it seems highly unlikely that Santorum is even aware of the joke--which makes Santorum an even bigger dumbass than we'd thought.
Still, the message of the ad is clear: You mess with the bull, you get the horns. And you mess with Santorum, you get the santorum.
Or maybe it's: Fight fire with fire. And fight Santorum with santorum.
Or maybe: I'm wearing a rubber, and you're glue. Whatever you shoot out that looks like santorum will not stick to me but will in fact be all over you.
Or something.
Wait--it appears that the santorum on Romney may not have come out of Romney's gunhole! Did Santorum shoot that santorum at Romney? (This is known as the "2nd shooter" theory.) So maybe after Romney & Santorum's wild tussle, they BOTH had some santorum stored up?!
Whatever the message is supposed to be, this much IS clear: Romney & Santorum are doing anal sex incorrectly. When you're all done having anal sex (gay or straight), you DON'T want to end up with santorum.
So America, when you're in the voting booth, please do anal sex correctly, so that we don't all end up with Santorum.
The substance in the ad is supposed to be mud, but it also looks like a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex (aka "santorum")--and it's not being "slung"; it's being shot out of (the orifice of) a gun.
This apparently unintended "santorum" joke should be obvious to anyone familiar with the neologism. So was anyone in the Santorum camp in on the joke?
Santorum has never been one to laugh off the neologism "santorum", so it seems highly unlikely that Santorum is even aware of the joke--which makes Santorum an even bigger dumbass than we'd thought.
Still, the message of the ad is clear: You mess with the bull, you get the horns. And you mess with Santorum, you get the santorum.
Or maybe it's: Fight fire with fire. And fight Santorum with santorum.
Or maybe: I'm wearing a rubber, and you're glue. Whatever you shoot out that looks like santorum will not stick to me but will in fact be all over you.
Or something.
Wait--it appears that the santorum on Romney may not have come out of Romney's gunhole! Did Santorum shoot that santorum at Romney? (This is known as the "2nd shooter" theory.) So maybe after Romney & Santorum's wild tussle, they BOTH had some santorum stored up?!
Whatever the message is supposed to be, this much IS clear: Romney & Santorum are doing anal sex incorrectly. When you're all done having anal sex (gay or straight), you DON'T want to end up with santorum.
So America, when you're in the voting booth, please do anal sex correctly, so that we don't all end up with Santorum.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Santorum Came To Washington Yesterday
And so did gay marriage!
(I have no idea where this image originated. I stole it from a friend's facebook wall or timeline or whatever they're calling it now...)
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Rick Santorum is Good at Winning Caucuses
You may have noticed that Rick Santorum won three Republican primary contests this Tuesday: the Colorado and Minnesota Caucuses and the Missouri Primary. I think the real lesson of the contests that the namesake of our favorite anal sex byproduct won isn't that Rick Santorum is surging in popularity, but instead that he's very good at winning things almost no one shows up for.
Caucuses by nature are built around people who are the most politically passionate. In Democratic caucuses, this benefits a candidate who is a bit further to the left, and his success in caucuses was a big key towards President Obama's run to the Democratic nomination four years ago. But, as being too far to the left is considered completely unacceptable in our political climate, a socialist group is unable to highjack the proceedings. Things are different in the Republican, where you have two groups of complete whack jobs who are viewed as being a part of the conservative mainstream: the Ron Paul Libertarians and the extreme Religious Right. These people are more passionate than your average conservative, and are more willing to spend their time attending a caucus.
Think of it this way: following the Florida Primary, won by Mitt Romney, a fair amount of attention was paid to the low turnout rate. About 8.5% of Florida's population showed up to vote in the Republican primary. Compare that to Colorado, where just over 1% of the state population participated in the caucus, and Minnesota, where less than 1% participated. And while Santorum had a strong showing in Missouri's primary, that primary was merely symbolic and awarded no delegates. As a result, Missouri's Republican Primary only drew from 4% of the state's population.
What's the conclusion to draw from this? Santorum does have a following. In Midwest states, he is the social conservative candidate of choice. But we won't know if he's become the social conservative candidate of the south until March. More importantly, we have no evidence to this point that Santorum can win anything that a significant portion of a state's population actually shows up to. Until he does that, Santorum is merely the King of Contests Nobody Gives a Shit About. And while that may parlay a better contract for him with Fox News this fall, itt will not get him the Republican nomination and certainly would not allow him to even put up a competitive race against President Obama in the General Election.
Caucuses by nature are built around people who are the most politically passionate. In Democratic caucuses, this benefits a candidate who is a bit further to the left, and his success in caucuses was a big key towards President Obama's run to the Democratic nomination four years ago. But, as being too far to the left is considered completely unacceptable in our political climate, a socialist group is unable to highjack the proceedings. Things are different in the Republican, where you have two groups of complete whack jobs who are viewed as being a part of the conservative mainstream: the Ron Paul Libertarians and the extreme Religious Right. These people are more passionate than your average conservative, and are more willing to spend their time attending a caucus.
Think of it this way: following the Florida Primary, won by Mitt Romney, a fair amount of attention was paid to the low turnout rate. About 8.5% of Florida's population showed up to vote in the Republican primary. Compare that to Colorado, where just over 1% of the state population participated in the caucus, and Minnesota, where less than 1% participated. And while Santorum had a strong showing in Missouri's primary, that primary was merely symbolic and awarded no delegates. As a result, Missouri's Republican Primary only drew from 4% of the state's population.
What's the conclusion to draw from this? Santorum does have a following. In Midwest states, he is the social conservative candidate of choice. But we won't know if he's become the social conservative candidate of the south until March. More importantly, we have no evidence to this point that Santorum can win anything that a significant portion of a state's population actually shows up to. Until he does that, Santorum is merely the King of Contests Nobody Gives a Shit About. And while that may parlay a better contract for him with Fox News this fall, itt will not get him the Republican nomination and certainly would not allow him to even put up a competitive race against President Obama in the General Election.
Stern on Santorum: "Throw him off the f***ing stage..."
Note: In this clip, there's 1 or 2 naughty words other than "Santorum".
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
OH. MY. GOD.
My new best friend Doug just emailed me this:
I am so happy to live in the world right now. And, if I were a consumer of porn (the kind you have to pay for, anyway), I'd totally support HotMovies.com for being even more vile than we are.
God, I hope Rick knows about this...
I am so happy to live in the world right now. And, if I were a consumer of porn (the kind you have to pay for, anyway), I'd totally support HotMovies.com for being even more vile than we are.
God, I hope Rick knows about this...
Comment of the Day
From a dude called "Immigrant":
*Is he illegal? Probably because he hates freedom.***
**Again.***
***THOSE WERE JOKES!
I'm glad you're standing up against Paul. I swear it's like no internet person is ever willing to criticize him. Libertarianism clearly doesn't protect people. I'm glad that the federal government makes poisoning food illegal, pays money to disabled people, and that they attempt to protect our money from risky bank practices (FDIC) and that is just three examples! The fed certainly isn't perfect, but getting rid of them is just a stupid knee-jerk response. It's the same reason why I gave up believing in anarchism, it's completely ridiculous!And now, back to complaining about Santorum, which is all over my bedsheets.**
The point of this website is to oppose the homophobic Santorum, but when your response to oppose a homophobe is to support another homophobe then that makes no sense whatsoever!!
*Is he illegal? Probably because he hates freedom.***
**Again.***
***THOSE WERE JOKES!
No, Ron Paul Is Not Better Than Rick Santorum
Ron Paul's supporters are few, but they are vocal. I was surprised, at first, when they appeared on this site (and following us on twitter). I thought, "surely these people are Republicans. What do they want with us?" As I paid closer attention, however, I learned that Ron Paul's supporters are not, for the most part, Republicans (at least not here): they are idiots.
Let me qualify: I'm sure many of their idiocies are temporary and caused by being in college and/or smoking too much weed and/or not understanding the world at all, but they are idiots all the same. AND THEY WON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
"But Jocelyn," they say, "you hate Rick Santorum and we hate Rick Santorum. We are allies! Vote for Ron Paul!"
"No," I reply, "you are an idiot."
Seriously, though. Ron Paul is a Santorum-level bigot. He doesn't support a constitutional ban on gay marriage? Big fucking deal. He still supports the rights of states to block marriage equality. He won't even piss in a gay man's bathroom. Do you seriously think he's an ally? Plus there's the whole being a big fucking racist thing. Which actually might be worse than being homophobic. Seriously, what the fuck is he thinking? And why are you supporting him? And why are you telling me that I should too?
Look, I want to end the war on drugs as much as the next greedy socialist who looks at a sweet bud and sees a shitload of tax money, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to support a guy who doesn't believe in evolution and actually thinks there's a war on Christmas to do it. Plus, you know, my penchant for socialism sort of makes me not like to support libertarians in politics. Weird, I know.
And don't even get me started on that crazy motherfucker's views on abortion. Much like his stance on gay marriage, Paul's stance on reproductive rights is to leave it up to the states. This is because he knows that Americans hate abortion perhaps even more than they hate gay marriage, and if you leave that shit up to the states you will have like five states that allow it. That is not okay. I don't believe in single-issue voting but I cannot compromise on reproductive rights. If I get knocked up tomorrow because I got drunk enough to be as stupid as a Ron Paul supporter and fucked some rando without a condom, I want to get an abortion. Because I work three hours a week for $8.65/hr and that is not baby-having money and fuck you very much but I'd much rather have an abortion than know that my kid is out being raised by some other people who might support Ron Paul.
"But Jocelyn," you will say (or "Dan," because like half of you still think I'm Dan Savage even though I'm clearly less clever. And employed...), "how can you be so mean as to call people stupid for their political beliefs. That's fascism."
"Well, random person," I'll reply, "that's actually not fascism at all and you're a fucking idiot for saying it is."
I call these people idiots not because I know anything about their cognitive abilities, but because they've allowed themselves to be duped into believing two things: 1) that libertarianism is a real thing that will make good things happen, when in fact it's the dumbest thing that will make dumb things happen, and 2) that Ron Paul is a defender of civil liberty, when he really is not. Because liberty means access to reproductive healthcare (or, in fact, any healthcare), protection from racist bigots, and having a goddamn fucking military to fight for you when shit gets rough. Also, we have to pay taxes. Get over it.
(Big thanks to commenter Jack for linking to this piece, which inspired me to call y'all a bunch of idiots. And if you see Jack, could you please inform him that he is my new boyfriend. Because not liking Ron Paul is actually my only requirement for a boyfriend.)
Let me qualify: I'm sure many of their idiocies are temporary and caused by being in college and/or smoking too much weed and/or not understanding the world at all, but they are idiots all the same. AND THEY WON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
"But Jocelyn," they say, "you hate Rick Santorum and we hate Rick Santorum. We are allies! Vote for Ron Paul!"
"No," I reply, "you are an idiot."
Seriously, though. Ron Paul is a Santorum-level bigot. He doesn't support a constitutional ban on gay marriage? Big fucking deal. He still supports the rights of states to block marriage equality. He won't even piss in a gay man's bathroom. Do you seriously think he's an ally? Plus there's the whole being a big fucking racist thing. Which actually might be worse than being homophobic. Seriously, what the fuck is he thinking? And why are you supporting him? And why are you telling me that I should too?
For real.
Look, I want to end the war on drugs as much as the next greedy socialist who looks at a sweet bud and sees a shitload of tax money, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to support a guy who doesn't believe in evolution and actually thinks there's a war on Christmas to do it. Plus, you know, my penchant for socialism sort of makes me not like to support libertarians in politics. Weird, I know.
And don't even get me started on that crazy motherfucker's views on abortion. Much like his stance on gay marriage, Paul's stance on reproductive rights is to leave it up to the states. This is because he knows that Americans hate abortion perhaps even more than they hate gay marriage, and if you leave that shit up to the states you will have like five states that allow it. That is not okay. I don't believe in single-issue voting but I cannot compromise on reproductive rights. If I get knocked up tomorrow because I got drunk enough to be as stupid as a Ron Paul supporter and fucked some rando without a condom, I want to get an abortion. Because I work three hours a week for $8.65/hr and that is not baby-having money and fuck you very much but I'd much rather have an abortion than know that my kid is out being raised by some other people who might support Ron Paul.
"But Jocelyn," you will say (or "Dan," because like half of you still think I'm Dan Savage even though I'm clearly less clever. And employed...), "how can you be so mean as to call people stupid for their political beliefs. That's fascism."
"Well, random person," I'll reply, "that's actually not fascism at all and you're a fucking idiot for saying it is."
I call these people idiots not because I know anything about their cognitive abilities, but because they've allowed themselves to be duped into believing two things: 1) that libertarianism is a real thing that will make good things happen, when in fact it's the dumbest thing that will make dumb things happen, and 2) that Ron Paul is a defender of civil liberty, when he really is not. Because liberty means access to reproductive healthcare (or, in fact, any healthcare), protection from racist bigots, and having a goddamn fucking military to fight for you when shit gets rough. Also, we have to pay taxes. Get over it.
(Big thanks to commenter Jack for linking to this piece, which inspired me to call y'all a bunch of idiots. And if you see Jack, could you please inform him that he is my new boyfriend. Because not liking Ron Paul is actually my only requirement for a boyfriend.)
I Don't Know If You Guys Know This, But It Would Be Really Bad If Rick Santorum Became President
I realize that I've said several times that Rick Santorum would be the perfect Republican nominee due to his general unelectability, but I've had some time to do some thinking, and I retract my previous statement. I don't believe in fear-mongering, but the fact is that if Santorum gets the nomination, he could actually become president, and that would be really, really bad.
I mean, it's not like I think Obama isn't likely to win in 2012: It's just that if something catastrophic happens (another economic meltdown, a terrorist attack, a Planned Parenthood Abortionplex opens in Kansas...), it could throw the election the other way. And that would be bad, mmmkay?
We're still working on healing the wounds of the Bush presidency. Even if Obama is re-elected, I doubt he can undo all the damage. States are still chipping away at reproductive rights; marriage equality is still meaningless on a federal level, and soldiers are still fighting and dying in an unwinnable war in Afghanistan. Add to that a Santorum presidency and we've got a huge hit to reproductive rights (and perhaps the rights of single mothers, and just women in general), a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, and another fucking war in Iran. Not to mention further financial deregulation and some unwise taxcuts, which will likely spell our entire economic system's untimely demise (time to take a class in Manadarin). That's bad.
Let me be clear: I'm no fan of Romney (I'm pretty sure the part of his brain that would normally hold conviction is full of hair), but he's a president I could live with, if worse came to worse. I cannot live with President Santorum. And if you've got a vagina, a brain, and/or an sexual appreciation for your gender, you can't live with him either.
So, guys, WTF are you going to do about it? Because telling everyone that Rick Santorum is composed almost entirely of poopy lube is obviously not enough. We need to think of new ways to stop him, and we need to think fast. Go.
I mean, it's not like I think Obama isn't likely to win in 2012: It's just that if something catastrophic happens (another economic meltdown, a terrorist attack, a Planned Parenthood Abortionplex opens in Kansas...), it could throw the election the other way. And that would be bad, mmmkay?
We're still working on healing the wounds of the Bush presidency. Even if Obama is re-elected, I doubt he can undo all the damage. States are still chipping away at reproductive rights; marriage equality is still meaningless on a federal level, and soldiers are still fighting and dying in an unwinnable war in Afghanistan. Add to that a Santorum presidency and we've got a huge hit to reproductive rights (and perhaps the rights of single mothers, and just women in general), a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, and another fucking war in Iran. Not to mention further financial deregulation and some unwise taxcuts, which will likely spell our entire economic system's untimely demise (time to take a class in Manadarin). That's bad.
Let me be clear: I'm no fan of Romney (I'm pretty sure the part of his brain that would normally hold conviction is full of hair), but he's a president I could live with, if worse came to worse. I cannot live with President Santorum. And if you've got a vagina, a brain, and/or an sexual appreciation for your gender, you can't live with him either.
Seriously. Hair.
So, guys, WTF are you going to do about it? Because telling everyone that Rick Santorum is composed almost entirely of poopy lube is obviously not enough. We need to think of new ways to stop him, and we need to think fast. Go.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Uh. Holy Shit.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Two Things
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Two videos that were too awesome for the mailbag
The first, sent to us from Nick Jones at The Second City in Hollywood (does this mean you know Sassy Gay Friend????!!), is a delightful endorsement of Rick Santorum:
The second, from a dude whose name might be Friendship, is the greatest fucking thing I've ever seen:
Keep up the good work, sodomites!
The second, from a dude whose name might be Friendship, is the greatest fucking thing I've ever seen:
Keep up the good work, sodomites!
Santorum Mailbag
Judging from the amount of mail I get on the subject, you guys must really love santorum. Here's what we've got:
Dear Todd,
I'd like to congratulate you on your email-writing style. I get the impression that you are literate and thoughtful, which basically makes you a mystical unicorn. Please call me if you are single and straight.
Love,
Jocelyn
p.s. That video is very clever.
LOLOLOLOLOL well I have now.
"I'm against gay people drawing breath!"
Jocelyn: Sounds good.
Jocelyn: I don't think everyone got that you were kidding when you asked what the 'I' stands for in LGBTQIWHRHWERHWE12JIJWIORJIEOIWEJLKNMKF69839CM.
Jocelyn: Yeah, it wasn't that good a joke.
Jocelyn: People sure got their nickers in a twist over it, though.
Jocelyn: Yep. Which makes sense, you know, because when you're fighting for equality, it's a good idea to attack your allies over semantics.
Jocelyn: Totally.
K I discussed it with Jocelyn. We both think that the ever-changing acronym is ridiculous, and that 'queer' is a perfectly good all-encompassing term and that you should chill the fuck out.
Excelsior!
Haven't seen any stories on the site of Rick stopping the campaign to look after his 3 year old daughter. Would like to see coverage/well-wishes for her recovery!Ugh. Jason. I wished her well on the twitter account, but honestly there's not much to say on the subject. She had pneumonia and now she's better. Obviously, that's a good thing: I don't wish pneumonia on anybody's kid, particularly ones who have more than enough health problems as it is. But doing a long-winded post about how I hope she's going to get better just seems to me like I'm looking for some accolades for taking the high road rather than actually taking it. Kind of like you are by sending that message.
Jason
Hello,We definitely think you may enjoy our new comedy video about Rick Santorum and his... similarities to anal sex.Thank you,Todd
Dear Todd,
I'd like to congratulate you on your email-writing style. I get the impression that you are literate and thoughtful, which basically makes you a mystical unicorn. Please call me if you are single and straight.
Love,
Jocelyn
p.s. That video is very clever.
please o please tell me you saw this headline, which destroyed today's productivity for me:
LOLOLOLOLOL well I have now.A new Santorum ad. Well, my approximation of one, anyway.
Rick S-Word for President:
"I'm against gay people drawing breath!"
Can someone please discuss with Jocelyn her comment on Wednesday, January 18th in which she wrote "Wait- there's an 'I' in 'LGBTQ' now? What does the 'I' stand for?" The "I" stands for intersex- this isn't a common used letter in the acronym, but is one of the many forms in addition to LGBT, GLBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQQ, LGBT?, or even (with all variations together) LGBTTQQIAUC2PHO. Different groups use different acronyms for inclusion, and so if this college group chooses to use LGBTI that's a choice that should be supported by the queer community. A quick google search would have cleared that up for Jocelyn; I don't think a site that was developed specifically because of Rick Santorum's homophobia should include a comment that perpetuates misinformation and lack of awareness about a part of the queer community.Jocelyn: Okay, Jocelyn, let's discuss this.
Thanks!
~Meghan (a proud queer community member)
Jocelyn: Sounds good.
Jocelyn: I don't think everyone got that you were kidding when you asked what the 'I' stands for in LGBTQIWHRHWERHWE12JIJWIORJIEOIWEJLKNMKF69839CM.
Jocelyn: Yeah, it wasn't that good a joke.
Jocelyn: People sure got their nickers in a twist over it, though.
Jocelyn: Yep. Which makes sense, you know, because when you're fighting for equality, it's a good idea to attack your allies over semantics.
Jocelyn: Totally.
K I discussed it with Jocelyn. We both think that the ever-changing acronym is ridiculous, and that 'queer' is a perfectly good all-encompassing term and that you should chill the fuck out.
Excelsior!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Santorum's (& Colbert's) Senior Moment
The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Santorum Loves CUM
Given the number of emails I've received about this, I'm pretty sure it's the most important thing ever to have happened:
That's right. In an effort to raise money, Rick Santorum named his 72-hour fund-gathering plan "Conservatives Unite Moneybomb," or "CUM," for short. You guys are right in thinking that this is pretty hilarious, but the fact that (as of this posting) he's already raised over twice what he set out to get, I'm kind of concerned.
That's right. In an effort to raise money, Rick Santorum named his 72-hour fund-gathering plan "Conservatives Unite Moneybomb," or "CUM," for short. You guys are right in thinking that this is pretty hilarious, but the fact that (as of this posting) he's already raised over twice what he set out to get, I'm kind of concerned.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Is Santorum Next?
From HuffPo:
From the LA Times:
Well that's a terrifying thought.
Texas Gov. Rick Perry will drop out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination on Thursday ahead of South Carolina's primary election, CNN reports.So now we're down to Mitt Romney, Ron Paul (my personal worst case scenario candidate), Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum. Will Rick drop out next? Not if the religious right has anything to do with it.
Jeff Zeleny at the New York Times confirms the news.
Perry is expected to address his decision to abandon his campaign at a press conference in North Charleston, S.C. at 11 a.m. ET.
From the LA Times:
In an effort to avoid a repeat of 2008, when social conservatives failed to rally behind a single Republican presidential candidate, a group of more than 100 religious leaders who gathered in Texas this week reached a consensus to support former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum.It'll be interesting to see what happens now. If bigotry is still enough to be a Republican front-runner, Santorum's got this in the bag. I think, however, that Republicans these days want a big scoop of crazy to go with their ass-backwardness. And, unfortunately, Rick might be the least nuts guy left.
Tony Perkins, the president of the Family Research Council, said the decision was reached after three rounds of balloting, with Santorum winning 85 votes in the final round, to Newt Gingrich’s 29. Texas Gov. Rick Perry had strong support at the beginning of the process, but was eliminated after the first round of balloting, Perkins said.
. . . .
“Rick Santorum has consistently articulated the issues that are of concern to conservatives, both the economic and the social, and has woven those into a very solid platform,” Perkins said. “And he has a record of stability…He’s reliable."
Well that's a terrifying thought.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Santorum Mailbag
The messages you guys are sending in seem to be getting more creative. Check it:
Oh that's fun. I'm wearing my sweater vest, and y'all should too.
A result of the Iowa caucuses and too much coffee:That's nice I like that.
The Senate Republican quorum
Mistakenly broke with decorum
When they went out en masse
And got fucked up the ass
'Cause they wanted to vote with Santorum.
JJ
Hey there,I run a student newspaper on Vanderbilt's campus and we've recently decided to endorse Rick Santorum and his run for the president. My newspaper has a large LGBTQI readership so we decided to endorse Rick because he is the closest thing this campaign has to an openly gay candidate.Thought you and your readers might enjoy the article.Peace and laughter,Dan King
Wait- there's an 'I' in 'LGBTQ' now? What does the 'I' stand for?
Santorum's vest on his site is getting more hits, so time to Google!
Plus have you seen this?
Oh that's fun. I'm wearing my sweater vest, and y'all should too.
Ew.
I have a suggestion for a verb for Rick to go with Santorum...
Rick: (verb) to gargle jubilantly.
Spotted this in a NYT article:Shout-out!
"“I’m debating between Gingrich, Santorum and Perry,” said Ross Little Jr., a committee member from Louisiana, referring to Rick Santorum, a former senator from Pennsylvania."
Is this the first time the NYT has clarified the referent of 'Santorum'?
Who put this email address on Ron Paul's mailing list? I hate it when people call me their "fellow conservative."
Dear Fellow Conservative,
My campaign's incredibly strong second-place finish in New Hampshire has the national media stunned.
. . . .
You and I don't have to "wait for the next election."
My campaign is making history right now with the support of Patriots like you who are finished with being told by the liberal media and the Republican establishment to sit on the sidelines year after year.
My incredible top-tier finish in Iowa and my tremendous second-place showing in Tuesday's New Hampshire primary demonstrate that I am the conservative alternative that can take on and defeat both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama this year.
But I need your help to continue getting my constitutional conservative message out in South Carolina, Florida, Nevada, and beyond.
Please, donate $100, $50, $25, $10, or whatever you can contribute right away to help me WIN the Republican nomination and give the American people a CLEAR alternative to Barack Obama's disastrous Big Government, big spending administration.
For Liberty,
Ron Paul
Get some help bud. You obviously are a sick gay man. I'm sure Obama offers some kind of welfare for sick low-life bigots like you.Alas, the low-life bigot tax credit was the first to go.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Santorum with Onion
Today's headline in The Onion:
Unpopular BCS Crowns Alabama National Champions, Endorses Rick Santorum, Spits On World War II Veteran, Pushes Elderly Woman Down Flight Of Stairs, Wishes Osama Bin Laden Were Still Alive
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Google AwkWords
For all the future Santorum Mailbaggers out there... (You know who you are. Your curiosity finally got the best of you, so you googled "Santorum", secretly hoping this site contained dirty dirty pictures. And why? So you could loudly proclaim your shock--SHOCK!--that such a site is allowed to exist & tarnish the good name of a person you don't know.)
Before you compose your angry email to us, check out a very recent email exchange between Dan Savage & a Santorum-liker. (Note: "Santorum-LIKER"; not: "Santorum-licker".)
Dan posted the correspondences on Slog, & his post is titled "Respectfully Engaged: An Email Exchange".
Dan posted the correspondences on Slog, & his post is titled "Respectfully Engaged: An Email Exchange".
Irony: When I clicked to read the full post on Slog, the new page had a Santorum ad at the top.
Thank you, Google AdSense Of Humor:
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
What He Said
From this week's "Savage Love":
Actually, I can't pick just one or two paragraphs to quote; the whole damn column is just too fucking good.
Read the whole fucking damn good column here.
Actually, I can't pick just one or two paragraphs to quote; the whole damn column is just too fucking good.
Read the whole fucking damn good column here.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Santorum Mailbag
On the eve of this, the ever-important New Hampshire primary, we've got a veritable shit-ton of email to share. Check it.
Nice.
I hate this guy!
I've done a ton of photoshops of him - and wrote various posts on my site about this dangerous bigot:
Nice.
I think you have good intentions by spreading hate and trying to bring santorum down, but from the outside it seems so hypocritical of you to treat someone that way. Would it be ok for someone to do this to you if they don’t agree with your views?
I really feel sorry for you for being so consumed by hate. Obviously misery loves company, and you are doing a good job of gathering your “company".
They do do this to us. That's kind of the point. As a single, sexually active straight woman who would have no trouble having an abortion if it came to that, I am demonized by Rick Santorum every time he opens his mouth about reproductive rights. Dan Savage, a partnered gay man with a kid, is demonized by Rick Santorum ever time he mentions his views on homosexuality. We've responded to our systematic dehumanization by this frothy man by throwing some of his own poopy lube right back at him. And I gotta tell ya, I don't lose any sleep over it.
Obviously giving Santorum the definition, "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex." was an attempt to retaliate against statements made by him against homosexuality. However, it seems like this definition is just as degrading to homosexuals since such relationships often involve anal sex. I guess maybe I'm missing something here.
SincerelyKevin
Anal sex is for everybody, Kevin, but only people who aren't doing it right will have to deal with santorum.
Hey, I found this crazy blog that says liberals should support Santorum in open primaries in order to sabotage the GOP. Do you think this can work? It sounds absurd...but on the other hand, it would be pretty awesome if he got nominated and everybody started ridiculing the GOP for picking the man with the dirty name.
Any how, check it out.
It's not a bad idea. Rick Santorum is perhaps the least electable of the viable GOP candidates. I know I'll get flack for saying this ("But, Jocelyn! We all thought George W. Bush was unelectable!"), but seriously, he can't get the middle to vote for him when he's railing against social service programs almost as hard as his railing against the idea that some people like to have sex for fun.
And before I go, I hope y'all are following our new twitter account, @SpreadSantorum. It's pretty frothy. Tell your friends!
Hi Dan,LOL. Still not Dan though. Still Jocelyn.
I've starting "Rick Rolling" folks with your Santorum site. Rather than the "awesome video of a cat playing chess" they're expecting, they get spreadingsantorum.com! Fun and informative! Just thought I'd pass the idea along.
Thanks for all you do!
Jess.
Eat shit ... biggest loser on the planet. Find religion. Any religion,First time getting called a "pedophile psychopath!" Holla!
besides homosexual sex. That might save you. I pray for you, Pervert.
Have you ever sat back and thought that what you are discussing here is a
candidate for the Commander in Chief of of the greatest country in the
world? Have you no pride, no respect? Oh, right, didn't think so, .....
pedophile psychopaths aren't capable of such intellectual thought.
Two headlines from Ireland:
First is from the Sunday Business post, second is from The Irish Times… enjoy!God this never gets old.
Stewart
Hey -- Thanks for the ongoing (and deserved) Rick-bashing. FYI, the best team name at my local pub trivia night this week: "Santorum Comes in Number Two"Thanks for sharing!
Dave
And before I go, I hope y'all are following our new twitter account, @SpreadSantorum. It's pretty frothy. Tell your friends!
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