Monday, January 23, 2012

Santorum Loves CUM

Given the number of emails I've received about this, I'm pretty sure it's the most important thing ever to have happened:

That's right. In an effort to raise money, Rick Santorum named his 72-hour fund-gathering plan "Conservatives Unite Moneybomb," or "CUM," for short. You guys are right in thinking that this is pretty hilarious, but the fact that (as of this posting) he's already raised over twice what he set out to get, I'm kind of concerned.

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  1. I'm moving from the Bay Area to Alexandria, and I switched my Groupon location accordingly. This is a conversation about that with my friend, let's call him Eric:

    (3:26:39 PM) Evren: signed up for Groupon in Alexandria
    (3:26:48 PM) Evren: deal on Korean BBQ FTW
    (3:28:09 PM) Eric : nice
    (3:28:24 PM) Evren: but of course
    (3:28:27 PM) Evren: it's Korean bbq
    (3:28:29 PM) Evren: AND SUSHI
    (3:28:37 PM) Evren: JUST BECAUSE THEY KINDA LOOK SIMILAR
    (3:28:41 PM) Evren: DOESN'T MAKE THE CUISINE THE SAME
    (3:30:40 PM) Eric: ...
    (3:30:51 PM) Eric: you will get to meet real white people
    (3:31:02 PM) Eric: egg noodles and ketchup
    (3:31:03 PM) Evren: yeah dude
    (3:31:11 PM) Eric: cucumber and mayo
    (3:31:11 PM) Evren: mayonnaise sandwiches
    (3:31:17 PM) Eric: white people
    (3:31:26 PM) Evren: let's just say mayo and [------]
    (3:31:30 PM) Eric: yeah
    (3:31:37 PM) Evren: it's not a condiment
    (3:31:39 PM) Evren: it's an ingredient
    (3:31:46 PM) Evren: and possibly a sexual lubricant
    (3:32:17 PM) Eric: ...
    (3:32:42 PM) Eric: "Is that cum or mayo?"
    (3:32:47 PM) Evren: "BOTH"
    (3:32:48 PM) Eric: you don't want to hear that question
    (3:33:02 PM) Evren: that's the Gingrich
    (3:35:39 PM) Evren: the frothy mixture of semen and mayonnaise that is sometimes the result of old redneck sex.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Outrageously funny... Looking forward to what jon stewart does with it

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  3. Maybe it's a subliminal message to cum when seeing santorum ?

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  4. Seriously, there's gotta be a mole in the Santorum campaign, Right? Right?

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  5. It has to be the most important thing that's happened. I was hoping Dan had formed the PAC. Can't wait for Rachel, Jon and Colbert to get hold of this. Re the donations, maybe we can use this to point out what a frothy mix he is.

    ReplyDelete
  6. But it's clearly not correct, because by definition santorum doesn't necessarily include that. A better name would have been Let's Unlock a Better Empire AND Fund Evil Creepy Evangelical Sod. Or just L.U.B.E. AND F.E.C.E.S. for short.

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  7. I would not be too worried. Any money given to him is being wasted. He's a windbag, always was, always will be.

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  8. The CUM just adds to Santorum's "frothiness!"

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