Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Satorum Mailbag

Because we now live in bizarro world, Rick Santorum pretty much tied for first in the Iowa Caucus. Don't know if you guys noticed that.

Anyway, this sudden surge of santorum has led to a surge of email. Here are some highlights:

Found this video, I think this is the first depiction of Santorum, the lyrics are "squirt Santorum in my eye" It occurs at around 3:18 in the vid.


I don't actually recommend watching this video, but the santorum reference is definitely there.

You are a typical Liberal…you think you can only get your point across by dropping in the gutter and making gross comments and statements. Let me guess, Bill Maher is your favorite comedian and Al Franken (or Barney Frank) your favorite politician.

We can only hope that your ‘Shit for Brains’ president receives a 49 state drubbing in November.

Harold Wiest

Actually, I think Bill Maher is a douche. I am, however, an Al Franken fan. You're so close to having me pegged!


Dear Ms. Jocelyn,

Now that Mr. Lube-and-Fecal is getting so much press, how can we the sane people of America make sure that YOUR page stays at the top of Google results?

Just making sure,
Amber
First of all, "Ms. Jocelyn" is my mother. But the best way you can help is by linking the word "santorum" to our site (www.spreadingsantorum.com) anywhere you have the power to do so. And thanks!

This is from this morning's headline at democraticunderground.com

Romney squeezes out Santorum? EEEWWWWWW!

Thanks for sharing!

Mr Savage

I hadn't been following the Republican campaign that closely and wasn't aware of Senator Santorun's record, but after reading your blog for the day I have decided he gets my vote. Any one who can provoke such a scatological, juvenile response has got to be, by definition, my candidate. You are the kind of person that I take great pains to avoid, and make me fear that the barbarians are no long at the gates, but inside the gates spray painting graffiti on the Parthenon. Let's hear it for literate maturity.

Gerald Albers
Mr Albers

Obviously you didn't read the blog that closely, because I'm still not Dan Savage. I am his Internet slave, Jocelyn. Dan is much too busy and important for this shit poopy lube.

Anyway, the irony of your letter isn't lost on me. Thanks for the lulz!

Jocelyn

If Rick Santorum were a Behr paint colour, he would be 720C-2. You can Google that.

Peter
Okay.
Totally.

Hi, thought you might like this:

Keep up the good work!

Chris Piascik
It's beautiful and gross at the same time! I love it! You keep up the good work too!

That's it for the mailbag today, guys. Keep sending in awesome shit!

2 comments:

  1. Nevermind that the Barbarians were at the gates of Rome and that the Parthenon is in, well, Athens, Greece... but hey, let's hear it for literate maturity!

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1.
    An unhinged young man named Santorum
    Had a near-Inquisitional quorum
    But a guy changed his mind
    With a fuck from behind
    Said Santorum, “Angelus Coelorum!”

    (“Heavenly Angel”)

    2.
    A crazed Senatorum Santorum
    Had permanent carnal frustration
    Till he tried penetration
    And screamed with elation
    “Fuck me hard, Saecula saeculorum!”

    (from the Latin Mass, “World without end,” or “Till the end of time.”)

    3.
    To poor Senatorum Santorum
    Rectal juices did not bring decorum
    But once he tried fucking
    He said, “This beats sucking”
    And joined a gay activist forum.


    4.
    Now, if you should Google “Santorum,”
    On this widely-used internet forum
    To find bigoted Asses—
    Instead, you’ll find Gas-
    Lube-Poop dripping from ani sphinctorum.

    5.
    Rick-y and his Seven Santora
    Love the old Latin mass, or the Torah
    But a neologism
    For lube, stool, and jism
    Defiled their sacrosanct aura.

    6.
    If you practice coitus per ano
    At your next Young Republican forum
    You will not find molasses,
    Just lube, poop, and gases--
    Now commonly known as "Santorum."

    7.
    Rick, and his little Santora,
    Said that gays were as bad as Gomorrha.
    When Dan showed that he lied,
    Poor Santorum was fried.
    He had opened the box of Pandora.

    .

    ReplyDelete