Let me qualify: I'm sure many of their idiocies are temporary and caused by being in college and/or smoking too much weed and/or not understanding the world at all, but they are idiots all the same. AND THEY WON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
"But Jocelyn," they say, "you hate Rick Santorum and we hate Rick Santorum. We are allies! Vote for Ron Paul!"
"No," I reply, "you are an idiot."
Seriously, though. Ron Paul is a Santorum-level bigot. He doesn't support a constitutional ban on gay marriage? Big fucking deal. He still supports the rights of states to block marriage equality. He won't even piss in a gay man's bathroom. Do you seriously think he's an ally? Plus there's the whole being a big fucking racist thing. Which actually might be worse than being homophobic. Seriously, what the fuck is he thinking? And why are you supporting him? And why are you telling me that I should too?
Look, I want to end the war on drugs as much as the next greedy socialist who looks at a sweet bud and sees a shitload of tax money, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to support a guy who doesn't believe in evolution and actually thinks there's a war on Christmas to do it. Plus, you know, my penchant for socialism sort of makes me not like to support libertarians in politics. Weird, I know.
And don't even get me started on that crazy motherfucker's views on abortion. Much like his stance on gay marriage, Paul's stance on reproductive rights is to leave it up to the states. This is because he knows that Americans hate abortion perhaps even more than they hate gay marriage, and if you leave that shit up to the states you will have like five states that allow it. That is not okay. I don't believe in single-issue voting but I cannot compromise on reproductive rights. If I get knocked up tomorrow because I got drunk enough to be as stupid as a Ron Paul supporter and fucked some rando without a condom, I want to get an abortion. Because I work three hours a week for $8.65/hr and that is not baby-having money and fuck you very much but I'd much rather have an abortion than know that my kid is out being raised by some other people who might support Ron Paul.
"But Jocelyn," you will say (or "Dan," because like half of you still think I'm Dan Savage even though I'm clearly less clever. And employed...), "how can you be so mean as to call people stupid for their political beliefs. That's fascism."
"Well, random person," I'll reply, "that's actually not fascism at all and you're a fucking idiot for saying it is."
I call these people idiots not because I know anything about their cognitive abilities, but because they've allowed themselves to be duped into believing two things: 1) that libertarianism is a real thing that will make good things happen, when in fact it's the dumbest thing that will make dumb things happen, and 2) that Ron Paul is a defender of civil liberty, when he really is not. Because liberty means access to reproductive healthcare (or, in fact, any healthcare), protection from racist bigots, and having a goddamn fucking military to fight for you when shit gets rough. Also, we have to pay taxes. Get over it.
(Big thanks to commenter Jack for linking to this piece, which inspired me to call y'all a bunch of idiots. And if you see Jack, could you please inform him that he is my new boyfriend. Because not liking Ron Paul is actually my only requirement for a boyfriend.)