Friday, February 10, 2012

Rick Santorum is Good at Winning Caucuses

You may have noticed that Rick Santorum won three Republican primary contests this Tuesday: the Colorado and Minnesota Caucuses and the Missouri Primary. I think the real lesson of the contests that the namesake of our favorite anal sex byproduct won isn't that Rick Santorum is surging in popularity, but instead that he's very good at winning things almost no one shows up for.

Caucuses by nature are built around people who are the most politically passionate. In Democratic caucuses, this benefits a candidate who is a bit further to the left, and his success in caucuses was a big key towards President Obama's run to the Democratic nomination four years ago. But, as being too far to the left is considered completely unacceptable in our political climate, a socialist group is unable to highjack the proceedings. Things are different in the Republican, where you have two groups of complete whack jobs who are viewed as being a part of the conservative mainstream: the Ron Paul Libertarians and the extreme Religious Right. These people are more passionate than your average conservative, and are more willing to spend their time attending a caucus.

Think of it this way: following the Florida Primary, won by Mitt Romney, a fair amount of attention was paid to the low turnout rate. About 8.5% of Florida's population showed up to vote in the Republican primary. Compare that to Colorado, where just over 1% of the state population participated in the caucus, and Minnesota, where less than 1% participated. And while Santorum had a strong showing in Missouri's primary, that primary was merely symbolic and awarded no delegates. As a result, Missouri's Republican Primary only drew from 4% of the state's population.

What's the conclusion to draw from this? Santorum does have a following. In Midwest states, he is the social conservative candidate of choice. But we won't know if he's become the social conservative candidate of the south until March. More importantly, we have no evidence to this point that Santorum can win anything that a significant portion of a state's population actually shows up to. Until he does that, Santorum is merely the King of Contests Nobody Gives a Shit About. And while that may parlay a better contract for him with Fox News this fall, itt will not get him the Republican nomination and certainly would not allow him to even put up a competitive race against President Obama in the General Election.

11 comments:

  1. "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex." I guess only you would know this, right?
    For the cerebrally challenged: "San" is short for Saint. "-Tor" is the Latin that masculinized the word. -um is the suffix pertaining "to" or "from". A male Saint! Ahhh geeeee - chicken little, the sky is falling down!
    Dum Dum.

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  2. So you vote for your presidential candidate based on their last name? Wow, that is about the stupidest method I've ever heard. Are you leotarded?

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  3. Another douchebag left wing hack too busy having oral sex with the donkey...

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  4. Ah yes, nice job responding to the content of my post instead of describing your bestiality fantasies in an anonymous comment on a blog. Seriously, do you have to punch yourself in the face on a regular basis to become that stupid? Is there a specific number of times in the week you have to punch yourself in the face for that to happen? I'd just like to know that number, just to have it for reference.

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  5. Guys like you pretty much spend their days living off government welfare checks too lazy to get out of their house and actually work for a living choosing instead to live their days swinging and drinking not caring if they drop dead tomorrow cause darn I'll do as much debauchery as I can do cause the government will be there to bail me out of my bad decisions. Guys like you are the reason the United States of America is in the dire straits that it's in.

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    1. Actually, I work at a Vault 100 law firm and make 6 figures (I am not the 1%, but I'm not all that far from it either monetarily). I also have a wife and child and have never been a "swinger", although as long as people do it responsibly and consensually I have no problem with that. I have never received direct government assistance, including student loans, as my father was extremely successful as well. However, we realize that a significant percentage of our success was dumb luck (being born to the right parents, being in the right place at the right time), and would like to enact policies that enable more Americans to reach the success we have had.

      I know why you go the personal route, though. It's because the policies you and the far right fight for so greatly are completely and totally devoid of any rationality or intellectual prowess. So instead you try to attack the messenger.

      Which brings me back to my prior question: how many times do you have to punch yourself in the face on a regular basis to become as stupid as you?

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    2. The dire straits are due to the corrupting effect of money towards policies which promote the short-term profit of a few over the long term health of the nation. If you think any top Republican candidate for president is going to change this you are living a lie. Santorum is nothing but a puppet and a tool.

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  6. Ron Paul ... IS Americas ONLY REAL Hope! GO RON PAUL!

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  7. Once again, the conservatives miss the mark. Those who are slamming this post's author have no clue about Rick Santorum's real ideologies or how dangerous his ideas would be for our country. And for the moron who tried to break down Santorum's name into its Latin parts - you couldn't be more off the mark. His name has nothing to do with a saint. "San" is the Latin words for healthy - ironic, considering his stance on health care.

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  8. It is ironic you diss someone about making it personal, but in your article you call 50-million Americans "whack jobs".

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    1. I'll stop referring to those people as whack jobs when they stop referring to moderate democrats as America hating socialists. It's short hand, and when the shoe fits. Any knowledge of history or actual economic theory shows that they either live in a fantasy land or are in fact batshit insane.

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