Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Two videos that were too awesome for the mailbag

The first, sent to us from Nick Jones at The Second City in Hollywood (does this mean you know Sassy Gay Friend????!!), is a delightful endorsement of Rick Santorum:



The second, from a dude whose name might be Friendship, is the greatest fucking thing I've ever seen:



Keep up the good work, sodomites!

Santorum Mailbag

Judging from the amount of mail I get on the subject, you guys must really love santorum. Here's what we've got:
Haven't seen any stories on the site of Rick stopping the campaign to look after his 3 year old daughter. Would like to see coverage/well-wishes for her recovery!

Jason
Ugh. Jason. I wished her well on the twitter account, but honestly there's not much to say on the subject. She had pneumonia and now she's better. Obviously, that's a good thing: I don't wish pneumonia on anybody's kid, particularly ones who have more than enough health problems as it is. But doing a long-winded post about how I hope she's going to get better just seems to me like I'm looking for some accolades for taking the high road rather than actually taking it. Kind of like you are by sending that message.

Hello,

We definitely think you may enjoy our new comedy video about Rick Santorum and his... similarities to anal sex.

Thank you,
Todd


Dear Todd,

I'd like to congratulate you on your email-writing style. I get the impression that you are literate and thoughtful, which basically makes you a mystical unicorn. Please call me if you are single and straight.

Love,
Jocelyn

p.s. That video is very clever.

please o please tell me you saw this headline, which destroyed today's productivity for me:

LOLOLOLOLOL well I have now.

A new Santorum ad. Well, my approximation of one, anyway.

Rick S-Word for President:


"I'm against gay people drawing breath!"

Can someone please discuss with Jocelyn her comment on Wednesday, January 18th in which she wrote "Wait- there's an 'I' in 'LGBTQ' now? What does the 'I' stand for?" The "I" stands for intersex- this isn't a common used letter in the acronym, but is one of the many forms in addition to LGBT, GLBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQQ, LGBT?, or even (with all variations together) LGBTTQQIAUC2PHO. Different groups use different acronyms for inclusion, and so if this college group chooses to use LGBTI that's a choice that should be supported by the queer community. A quick google search would have cleared that up for Jocelyn; I don't think a site that was developed specifically because of Rick Santorum's homophobia should include a comment that perpetuates misinformation and lack of awareness about a part of the queer community.

Thanks!

~Meghan (a proud queer community member)
Jocelyn: Okay, Jocelyn, let's discuss this.
Jocelyn: Sounds good.
Jocelyn: I don't think everyone got that you were kidding when you asked what the 'I' stands for in LGBTQIWHRHWERHWE12JIJWIORJIEOIWEJLKNMKF69839CM.
Jocelyn: Yeah, it wasn't that good a joke.
Jocelyn: People sure got their nickers in a twist over it, though.
Jocelyn: Yep. Which makes sense, you know, because when you're fighting for equality, it's a good idea to attack your allies over semantics.
Jocelyn: Totally.

K I discussed it with Jocelyn. We both think that the ever-changing acronym is ridiculous, and that 'queer' is a perfectly good all-encompassing term and that you should chill the fuck out.

Excelsior!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Monday, January 23, 2012

Santorum Loves CUM

Given the number of emails I've received about this, I'm pretty sure it's the most important thing ever to have happened:

That's right. In an effort to raise money, Rick Santorum named his 72-hour fund-gathering plan "Conservatives Unite Moneybomb," or "CUM," for short. You guys are right in thinking that this is pretty hilarious, but the fact that (as of this posting) he's already raised over twice what he set out to get, I'm kind of concerned.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Is Santorum Next?

From HuffPo:
Texas Gov. Rick Perry will drop out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination on Thursday ahead of South Carolina's primary election, CNN reports.

Jeff Zeleny at the New York Times confirms the news.

Perry is expected to address his decision to abandon his campaign at a press conference in North Charleston, S.C. at 11 a.m. ET.
So now we're down to Mitt Romney, Ron Paul (my personal worst case scenario candidate), Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum. Will Rick drop out next? Not if the religious right has anything to do with it.

From the LA Times:
In an effort to avoid a repeat of 2008, when social conservatives failed to rally behind a single Republican presidential candidate, a group of more than 100 religious leaders who gathered in Texas this week reached a consensus to support former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum.

Tony Perkins, the president of the Family Research Council, said the decision was reached after three rounds of balloting, with Santorum winning 85 votes in the final round, to Newt Gingrich’s 29. Texas Gov. Rick Perry had strong support at the beginning of the process, but was eliminated after the first round of balloting, Perkins said.

. . . .

“Rick Santorum has consistently articulated the issues that are of concern to conservatives, both the economic and the social, and has woven those into a very solid platform,” Perkins said. “And he has a record of stability…He’s reliable."
It'll be interesting to see what happens now. If bigotry is still enough to be a Republican front-runner, Santorum's got this in the bag. I think, however, that Republicans these days want a big scoop of crazy to go with their ass-backwardness. And, unfortunately, Rick might be the least nuts guy left.

Well that's a terrifying thought.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Santorum Mailbag

The messages you guys are sending in seem to be getting more creative. Check it:
A result of the Iowa caucuses and too much coffee:

The Senate Republican quorum
Mistakenly broke with decorum
When they went out en masse
And got fucked up the ass
'Cause they wanted to vote with Santorum.

JJ
That's nice I like that.


Hey there,

I run a student newspaper on Vanderbilt's campus and we've recently decided to endorse Rick Santorum and his run for the president. My newspaper has a large LGBTQI readership so we decided to endorse Rick because he is the closest thing this campaign has to an openly gay candidate.

Thought you and your readers might enjoy the article.

Peace and laughter,

Dan King
Wait- there's an 'I' in 'LGBTQ' now? What does the 'I' stand for?


Santorum's vest on his site is getting more hits, so time to Google!

Plus have you seen this?

Oh that's fun. I'm wearing my sweater vest, and y'all should too.

I have a suggestion for a verb for Rick to go with Santorum...

Rick: (verb) to gargle jubilantly.
Ew.


Spotted this in a NYT article:

"“I’m debating between Gingrich, Santorum and Perry,” said Ross Little Jr., a committee member from Louisiana, referring to Rick Santorum, a former senator from Pennsylvania."

Is this the first time the NYT has clarified the referent of 'Santorum'?
Shout-out!


Dear Fellow Conservative,

My campaign's incredibly strong second-place finish in New Hampshire has the national media stunned.

. . . .

You and I don't have to "wait for the next election."

My campaign is making history right now with the support of Patriots like you who are finished with being told by the liberal media and the Republican establishment to sit on the sidelines year after year.

My incredible top-tier finish in Iowa and my tremendous second-place showing in Tuesday's New Hampshire primary demonstrate that I am the conservative alternative that can take on and defeat both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama this year.

But I need your help to continue getting my constitutional conservative message out in South Carolina, Florida, Nevada, and beyond.

Please, donate $100, $50, $25, $10, or whatever you can contribute right away to help me WIN the Republican nomination and give the American people a CLEAR alternative to Barack Obama's disastrous Big Government, big spending administration.

For Liberty,

Ron Paul
Who put this email address on Ron Paul's mailing list? I hate it when people call me their "fellow conservative."


Get some help bud. You obviously are a sick gay man. I'm sure Obama offers some kind of welfare for sick low-life bigots like you.
Alas, the low-life bigot tax credit was the first to go.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Santorum with Onion

Today's headline in The Onion:

Unpopular BCS Crowns Alabama National Champions, Endorses Rick Santorum, Spits On World War II Veteran, Pushes Elderly Woman Down Flight Of Stairs, Wishes Osama Bin Laden Were Still Alive

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Santorum's Dumb In America Because Santorum's Dumb In America

Google AwkWords

For all the future Santorum Mailbaggers out there... (You know who you are. Your curiosity finally got the best of you, so you googled "Santorum", secretly hoping this site contained dirty dirty pictures. And why? So you could loudly proclaim your shock--SHOCK!--that such a site is allowed to exist & tarnish the good name of a person you don't know.)

Before you compose your angry email to us, check out a very recent email exchange between Dan Savage & a Santorum-liker. (Note: "Santorum-LIKER"; not: "Santorum-licker".)

Dan posted the correspondences on Slog, & his post is titled "Respectfully Engaged: An Email Exchange"

Irony: When I clicked to read the full post on Slog, the new page had a Santorum ad at the top. 

Thank you, Google AdSense Of Humor:



Monday, January 9, 2012

Santorum Mailbag

On the eve of this, the ever-important New Hampshire primary, we've got a veritable shit-ton of email to share. Check it.

I hate this guy!

I've done a ton of photoshops of him - and wrote various posts on my site about this dangerous bigot:



Nice.

I think you have good intentions by spreading hate and trying to bring santorum down, but from the outside it seems so hypocritical of you to treat someone that way. Would it be ok for someone to do this to you if they don’t agree with your views?

I really feel sorry for you for being so consumed by hate. Obviously misery loves company, and you are doing a good job of gathering your “company".

They do do this to us. That's kind of the point. As a single, sexually active straight woman who would have no trouble having an abortion if it came to that, I am demonized by Rick Santorum every time he opens his mouth about reproductive rights. Dan Savage, a partnered gay man with a kid, is demonized by Rick Santorum ever time he mentions his views on homosexuality. We've responded to our systematic dehumanization by this frothy man by throwing some of his own poopy lube right back at him. And I gotta tell ya, I don't lose any sleep over it.


Obviously giving Santorum the definition, "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex." was an attempt to retaliate against statements made by him against homosexuality. However, it seems like this definition is just as degrading to homosexuals since such relationships often involve anal sex. I guess maybe I'm missing something here.

Sincerely

Kevin

Anal sex is for everybody, Kevin, but only people who aren't doing it right will have to deal with santorum.


Hey, I found this crazy blog that says liberals should support Santorum in open primaries in order to sabotage the GOP. Do you think this can work? It sounds absurd...but on the other hand, it would be pretty awesome if he got nominated and everybody started ridiculing the GOP for picking the man with the dirty name.

Any how, check it out.
It's not a bad idea. Rick Santorum is perhaps the least electable of the viable GOP candidates. I know I'll get flack for saying this ("But, Jocelyn! We all thought George W. Bush was unelectable!"), but seriously, he can't get the middle to vote for him when he's railing against social service programs almost as hard as his railing against the idea that some people like to have sex for fun.

Hi Dan,

I've starting "Rick Rolling" folks with your Santorum site. Rather than the "awesome video of a cat playing chess" they're expecting, they get spreadingsantorum.com! Fun and informative! Just thought I'd pass the idea along.

Thanks for all you do!

Jess.
LOL. Still not Dan though. Still Jocelyn.

Eat shit ... biggest loser on the planet. Find religion. Any religion,
besides homosexual sex. That might save you. I pray for you, Pervert.

Have you ever sat back and thought that what you are discussing here is a
candidate for the Commander in Chief of of the greatest country in the
world? Have you no pride, no respect? Oh, right, didn't think so, .....
pedophile psychopaths aren't capable of such intellectual thought.
First time getting called a "pedophile psychopath!" Holla!

Two headlines from Ireland:




First is from the Sunday Business post, second is from The Irish Times… enjoy!

Stewart
God this never gets old.

Hey -- Thanks for the ongoing (and deserved) Rick-bashing. FYI, the best team name at my local pub trivia night this week: "Santorum Comes in Number Two"

Dave
Thanks for sharing!

And before I go, I hope y'all are following our new twitter account, @SpreadSantorum. It's pretty frothy. Tell your friends!

I'll Take "Impotent Impotables" for $1000, Alex

Ken Jennings holds the record for the longest winning streak on the game show "Jeopardy!" and is the all-time leading money winner on American game shows.

He is undoubtedly one of the smartest, most interesting people in the US (right after Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek, of course, who obviously knows more than anyone).

Jennings is an avid Twitter user, & his frequent tweets are usually hilarious. On Twitter, he makes no bones about his dislike for Santorum, as evidenced in the following:











Sunday, January 8, 2012

Live from New York....It's Santorum Night!

Okay, so Andy Samberg doesn't do a very good Santorum. (How could anyone do a "good" Santorum? Santorum's as vanilla & boring on the outside as he is crazy & dangerous on the inside.)

And yes, the bit makes Santorum seem a little stupid--BUT it also makes him seem hard-working, determined, & diligent. (Focus, SNL, focus.)

Sure, the bit just barely mentions Iran, his Google problem, & the fact that many people (especially gay folk) hate his guts. Worse than that: it doesn't even hint at what came first: his hatred of gays! (WTF, SNL?!!)

Perhaps most important: The bit's just not really funny. (Although there are a couple humorous lines.)

But this sketch is a start. One of the best ways to bring down someone of power is by ridiculing them.

So to SNL & Andy Samberg, I say this: Keep at it. Make it bigger. Don't let Santorum off the hook. Focus on something--perhaps his obsession with sex, especially incest & pedophilia. Or his seemingly regular, good-guy bland exterior which hides an insane, sex-obsessed, paranoid interior.

Revamp your Santorum to be more of a cartoon--a la Dana Carvey's Ross Perot. I.e., don't try to play him straight. Just hone in on one or two of his traits & make them huge. Like Santorum's love for his sweater vest. Turn it into unnatural man-on-sweater-vest attraction.


Saturday, January 7, 2012

Friday, January 6, 2012

From the LA Times: Santorum tangles with voters over gay marriage, health insurance

Santorum believes an adult who had cancer when he was five years old should pay more for health insurance than a healthy adult--& the healthy adult should pay less because the healthy adult did everything right.

Santorum apparently believes the 5 year old boy did something wrong. That must be why the boy was punished with cancer. So it's only right that he should also be punished with high health insurance rates, right? Not sure what he did, but that 5 year-old must've been a real asshole.

From the LA Times:

Earlier, at a town hall meeting in the basement of the public library in Keene, Santorum was gently confronted about health insurance by an emergency room nurse who had just worked an overnight shift and apologized for being tired.
She said her son, who recently graduated from college, had been diagnosed with cancer at age 5. Why, she wanted to know, should her son pay more for health insurance as an adult when he had done nothing wrong and had not caused his own health woes.
“You believe that someone with a healthcare issue should pay the same amount as a healthy person?” he asked.
The nurse replied that she did.
“That’s not how it works,” said Santorum, comparing health insurance to auto insurance. “People with higher risk should pay more. Why should we charge more to people who have done everything right?”


Duh, lady. That's not how it works. How is an emergency room nurse so stupid about healthcare issues?

Interestingly, Santorum has a daughter with special needs. Luckily for her, Santorum is financially comfortable. But man, his daughter must've done something very wrong.

Full post here.

Santorum Mailbag

The emails just keep coming, so I'm just going to keep posting them.
When I visited your main page today, there was a big banner ad that said. Vote Rick Stanorum for 2011.
How does an ad like this get on your site.

Also, I noticed that your site is no longer number one in google searches. Did he buy his way to the top?
Google's search algorithm has evolved since this site started. As Google learns more about each of us as individuals, it actually has the (creepy?) power to give us individualized search results. For example, when I Google Santorum, our site comes up first. Others will see it as low as number five. As long as we're among the top results, however, I'm not too worried about it.

As for the ad thing, that's hilarious! I saw a Rick Perry ad on here the other day, and was amused, but that's way better. I think it's safe to assume that the readers of Spreading Santorum aren't likely to vote for old Rick.

Hi there,

Just some articles about your blog on the biggest news sites in Belgium, The Netherlands & France. Thought you might like it.
Keep up the good work! ;)

Wim
This writer sent in a lot of links, most of which aren't actually in English. I thought I'd share this one from Belgium with you, though, because according to Wim, it literally translates to "Santorum is Unpleasant By-Product of Sex."


For real.

Tore down as many of the fcuker's posters I could find,
a 'decorated' / littered my roof top deck with them.

Thanks for speaking for us, Dan.

Dan



That. Is. Awesome.

On the third of January, after the caucus results came in, in utter
disgust and shock, I shouted "FUCK SANTORUM" aloud in dismay at Iowa
voters. Now, what happens next is 100% true and I am not embellishing
in the slightest:

Immediately after my outburst, my dog, who was sitting a few feet away
from me, begins to loudly projectile diarrhea all over my bedroom. It
was vile, disgusting, and frothy to the max.

Which leads me to suspect: simply saying his name summons him, like a
demon or evil spirit.

Additionally, I think Iowegians finally made a butter sculpture of
Santorum. They put a stick of butter in a microwave for a minute.
I'm really glad that happened, but also glad it did not happen to my dog.

YOU FOLKS R ASSHOLES....YOU R FECAL MATTER...RICK SANTORUM FOR PRESIDENT.....EAT SHIT
Christmas!


Hi Dan, my name is Matt [redacted], I graduated from Carmel Catholic High School in Mundelein, IL in 2002. I have attended Catholic school my whole life, and was shocked and embarrassed to discover that Rick Santorum graduated from Carmel in 1976. Like the majority of Catholics, I find his views repugnant, and started a facebook group "Carmel Catholic Alumni Against Rick Santorum." I started by inviting a few of my friends, and now Alumni from the 60's and 70's are joining. I know a lot of alumni read your column and website, would you be able to let them know about our group so we can make sure that everyone knows that Santorum does not speak for us? His association with the school has left a stain that may never wash out.
Hear that, Carmel Catholic High School alumni? Show your disdain for santorum by joining this facebook group!

Also, I'm still Jocelyn, not Dan.

The True Meaning of Santorum

I received a message today from a Santorum friend in the UK who suggested that we start a campaign to get the true definition of santorum into the Oxford English Dictionary (aka the Bible). I, for one, think it's a grand idea.

So, if you also think that "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex" is OED worthy, you should let them know through their submission page.

Keep it frothy!

From NY Daily News: Rick Santorum booed by college students in New Hampshire after comparing gay marriage to polygamy

From the NY Daily News:
Rick Santorum isn't exactly getting the warm welcome he received in Iowa.
The Republican presidential candidate was booed Thursday in Concord, N.H., following an edgy back-and-forth with college students about same-sex marriage.
The drama started after a student asked Santorum why his definition equality did not include marriage for gay couples, which is legal in the Granite State.

Full post here.

(From ThinkProgress) Santorum: States Should Have The Right To Outlaw Birth Control

I haven't seen this article posted on this blog (& it bears reposting anyway):

From ThinkProgress:

Rick Santorum reiterated his belief that states should have the right to outlaw contraception during an interview with ABC News yesterday, saying, “The state has a right to do that, I have never questioned that the state has a right to do that. It is not a constitutional right, the state has the right to pass whatever statues they have.” 
Santorum has long opposed the Supreme Court’s 1965 ruling “that invalidated a Connecticut law banning contraception” and has also pledged to completely defund federal funding for contraception if elected president. As he told CaffeinatedThoughts.com editor Shane Vander Hart in October, “One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country,” the former Pennsylvania senator explained. “It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”
Fulll post here.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

From CNN Opinion: Santorum wants to impose 'Judeo-Christian Sharia'


There are two Rick Santorums: The first one I might not agree with, but the second one truly scares me.
"Santorum One" pushes for less government regulation for corporations and shrinking the federal government. You may or may not agree with these positions, but they are both mainstream conservative fare.
Then there's "Santorum Two." This Santorum wants to impose conservative Christian law upon America. Am I being hyperbolic or overly dramatic with this statement? I wish I were, but I'm not.
Indeed, NUMBER TWO is what Santorum shows himself to be.

From Jezebel: Rick Santorum’s Anti-Abortion Politics Would Have Killed His Own Wife

From Jezebel:
Let's get down to brass tacks: Presidential candidate Rick Santorum, Personhood Pledge-signing, Griswold vs. Connecticut-opposing, Mr. Ban Abortion in All Circumstances With No Exception for the Life of the Mother, believes that the actions of his own wife should be treated as criminal. Why? Because, back in 1996, his wife had a procedure that resulted in the deliberate death of her fetus, even though it was a matter of saving her own life.



What He Said They Said

Because they're damn important & excellent, I'm going to re-post most/all of Slog's posts about Santorum on this blog..


What They Said

posted by 


[Santorum] does not believe that you have the right to adult, consensual sex in your own bedroom, if the government decides it's bad for society as a whole. That includes masturbation and contraception on exactly the same grounds as homosexual acts. All of them are sodomy and subject to government regulation. Santorum can say he is just referring to the role of the courts, not backing substantive legislation to criminalize private adult consensual sex. But it's clear he believes that such sex is a serious threat to civilization, and only prudential grounds should restrain the government's decision to enforce that morality.... Santorum's slogan is "Faith, Family, Freedom." But it is more accurately described as Faith Family and Freedom That Doesn't Violate The Tenets of Faith and Family as defined by Santorum.
And while we’re at it, can the media please stop referring to politicians like Santorum as running on a platform of “family values”? How is it “family values” to refuse gay people the right to form families? Represent his platform for what it is—homophobia. Don’t accept the labels these bigots want you to use.

Original post here.

Savage on Santorum on Olbermann

aka Man on Man on Man, aka Santorum Sandwich

Last night's "Daily Show" - Santorum Ass Juice Jokes

"Santorum Ass Juice Jokes" starts at 3:35 mark.

Santorum with Onion (Archive) #2


In a radio interview Tuesday, presidential hopeful Rick Santorum said he thinks torture critic Sen. John McCain "doesn't understand how enhanced interrogation works." What do you think?


Original post here.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

From BuzzFeed: 25 People Who Just Googled “Santorum” For The First Time

'There are still people out there who have never googled “Santorum.” Santorum's strong finish in the Iowa caucuses brought with it a curiosity about him, and since we all sate curiosity with Google, forth went the searching masses. Some people didn't know about the sticky situation in which they were soon to find themselves.'


See full original post here.

Santorum with Onion (Archive)


Santorum calls for the removal of big government from the election process.

WASHINGTON, DC — Citing the "extreme inefficiency" of this month's U.S. presidential election, key Republicans called for future elections to be conducted by the private sector. 

"When the average citizen hears the phrase 'presidential election,' he thinks of long lines at polling places and agonizing waits as election results are tallied," U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) told reporters Monday. "Putting the election of our public officials into the hands of private industry would motivate election officials to be more efficient."


"There's too much talk about the accuracy and fairness of our national elections, and not enough about their proficiency and profitability," Santorum added. "Who bears the brunt of bureaucratic waste? Taxpayers."


"Hey, you got Santorum on my Onion!"

"You got Onion in my Santorum!"

Reese's Santorum Cups: Two great tastes that taste great together.

Homohater Foster Froth

Norway's 3rd largest newspaper calls him like it sees him:


According to Google Translate, the page says "Gay Hate surging forward", "Rick Santorums hjertesak is against gays", & "He is particularly known for its hostile campaign against the U.S. gays."

Too bad large U.S. newspapers are too afraid to be this blunt & honest.

(Originally posted at Headline of the Day)

Satorum Mailbag

Because we now live in bizarro world, Rick Santorum pretty much tied for first in the Iowa Caucus. Don't know if you guys noticed that.

Anyway, this sudden surge of santorum has led to a surge of email. Here are some highlights:

Found this video, I think this is the first depiction of Santorum, the lyrics are "squirt Santorum in my eye" It occurs at around 3:18 in the vid.


I don't actually recommend watching this video, but the santorum reference is definitely there.

You are a typical Liberal…you think you can only get your point across by dropping in the gutter and making gross comments and statements. Let me guess, Bill Maher is your favorite comedian and Al Franken (or Barney Frank) your favorite politician.

We can only hope that your ‘Shit for Brains’ president receives a 49 state drubbing in November.

Harold Wiest

Actually, I think Bill Maher is a douche. I am, however, an Al Franken fan. You're so close to having me pegged!


Dear Ms. Jocelyn,

Now that Mr. Lube-and-Fecal is getting so much press, how can we the sane people of America make sure that YOUR page stays at the top of Google results?

Just making sure,
Amber
First of all, "Ms. Jocelyn" is my mother. But the best way you can help is by linking the word "santorum" to our site (www.spreadingsantorum.com) anywhere you have the power to do so. And thanks!

This is from this morning's headline at democraticunderground.com

Romney squeezes out Santorum? EEEWWWWWW!

Thanks for sharing!

Mr Savage

I hadn't been following the Republican campaign that closely and wasn't aware of Senator Santorun's record, but after reading your blog for the day I have decided he gets my vote. Any one who can provoke such a scatological, juvenile response has got to be, by definition, my candidate. You are the kind of person that I take great pains to avoid, and make me fear that the barbarians are no long at the gates, but inside the gates spray painting graffiti on the Parthenon. Let's hear it for literate maturity.

Gerald Albers
Mr Albers

Obviously you didn't read the blog that closely, because I'm still not Dan Savage. I am his Internet slave, Jocelyn. Dan is much too busy and important for this shit poopy lube.

Anyway, the irony of your letter isn't lost on me. Thanks for the lulz!

Jocelyn

If Rick Santorum were a Behr paint colour, he would be 720C-2. You can Google that.

Peter
Okay.
Totally.

Hi, thought you might like this:

Keep up the good work!

Chris Piascik
It's beautiful and gross at the same time! I love it! You keep up the good work too!

That's it for the mailbag today, guys. Keep sending in awesome shit!

A Heartfelt Apology From A Regretful Iowan

As a lifelong Iowan (born & raised & still residing), I sincerely, profusely, self-flagellatingly apologize on behalf of all forward-thinking Iowans for allowing Santorum to be #2 in our caucus last night. 

Honestly, we didn't think he'd make it in the top 3, let alone the top 2, & a sickeningly close #2 at that.

For Republicans, Santorum was the last possible rung down the "I'm Not Romney (or Ron Paul)" ladder. Every other non-Romney (& non-Paul) candidate had their moment at the top of the heap, but then imploded under the spotlight. 

Perry, Bachmann, Cain, Gingrich--each one of them had their moment in the sun, & then they said or did something so incredibly stupid/crazy/bizarre that voters finally realized that he/she was not a viable candidate in the long run.

(E.g., Bachmann's HPV vaccine statement, Cain's slow & ignorant response to a question about Libya, Perry's "3rd government agency" that he couldn't remember, & Gingrich's many egotistical statements.)

Santorum apparently lucked out by having his flavor-of-the-month moment occur RIGHT before the caucus--& then not having enough time before the caucus to say something incredibly stupid/crazy/bizarre, while the media & people were paying very close attention..  

But i'll wager that Santorum that will soon say something so incredibly stupid/crazy/bizarre, it'll make primary voters abandon shit.

Even without an implosion, it should be apparent to most that Santorum won't be the nominee. And so it's not really surprising that Santorum almost won the Iowa caucus. 

The history of Iowa caucus Republicans show they're more likely to pick a candidate who doesn't get the nomination. In the past 5 caucuses where the incumbent Republican President was not a candidate, Iowa Repubs have been wrong 3 of 5: 
  • Huckabee won the Iowa caucus in 2008 (but McCain got the nom--in fact, McCain came in 4th in the caucus)
  • Dole won the caucus in '88 (but Bush Sr. got the nom--in fact, Bush Sr. came in 3rd in the caucus, & Pat Fucking Robertson came in 2nd) 
  • Bush Sr. won the caucus in 1980 (but Reagan got the nominatiion)

On the other hand, Iowa caucus Democrats have shown themselves to be more likely to correctly pick the candidate that gets the nomination. In the past 5 caucuses where the incumbent Dem President was not a candidate, the Iowa Dems have been right 3 of 5: 
  • Obama in 2008
  • Kerry in 2004
  • Gore in 2000

Actually, going back to 1980, the Iowa Dems have correctly picked the nominee 5 out of 7 times. (See Iowa caucuses.)

Once again, I'm truly, deeply, profoundly sorry. Now this asshole believes he has a shot at becoming the nominee.


Courtesy of a "Savage Love" reader...


(Originally posted at New Santorum Bumper Sticker Already Out)

Last night's "Daily Show" & "Colbert Report" (taped before the Iowa Caucus) -- Santorum Surges From Behind



The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Indecision 2012 - Iowa Caucuses
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Tomorrow I'll post Stewart's & Colbert's reactions to Santorum being #2.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Santorum is Number 2

I realize that's the obvious headline, but I'd been excited about using it for days. Not as excited as I would have been if he'd won, mind you, but excited nonetheless.

I'd say more, but it's like 2AM where I am and I am old.

Goodnight!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT GUYS

OMG HOLY FUCKING SHIT SANTORUM WON IOWA BY FIVE NINETEEN FUCKING VOTES OMG I AM ACTUALLY SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS BECAUSE HE IS POSSIBLY THE MOST UNELECTABLE PERSON EVERRRRRRRR.

Pardon me while I break out the fucking champagne...

UPDATE: Romney eked out an eight vote victory when all was said and done. Alas

Santorum Mailbag

The email address posted on this blog (santorum@savagelove.net) has been defunct for an indeterminate amount of time, which some of you brought to my attention in the comments. Up and running as of yesterday afternoon, the email address has turned out an impressive wealth of awesomeness. So, with your blessing, I'd like to share some of the highlights with you. . . .
Dear Mr. Savage:

I used to enjoy reading your columns, though they could go a bit over the top.

Then you started this site.

It is not defamatory, as you say. It's just silly. I now consider you just a politician.


Best regards,

Vincent
Dear Vincent,

To my knowledge, Dan Savage doesn't actually check this email address. You see, he started this site, and has been known to post on it occasionally, but mostly it's just me (Jocelyn). I can safely say, however, that neither of us are politicians.

Warmest wishes,

Jocelyn


Reading your blog makes me feel better about the world..

So, thanks.
You're welcome!


Your definition of Santorum is sadly moronic. You evidently felt the need to select a hideous and repulsive description of something you are probably all too familiar with.
I would guess that you yourself are a proud homosexual and feel the need to degrade anyone who disagrees with your lifestyle. It probably also sooths [sic] and strokes your ego to learn that others have agreed with the depravity and like yourself choose to swim in cesspools of thought and word. It saddens me to see our culture being dragged through slime and volgarity [sic] by self proclaimed elitists. Your [sic] evidently moraless and I would guess part of the populace that intends to socialize and "change" the United States for her own good of course. "Change" isn't always good. Someday perhaps you will learn that sad lesson. Just as the ancient city Sodom was destroyed for it's deviancy, I believe the strange and uncivil behavior of individuals such as yourself will ultimately lead to society's demise. That is the legacy of the godless. That is the legacy of the progressive movement. Progressivly [sic] moving us to the legacy of Sodom. You don't even realize what you are doing. How sad for you. How sad for all.
I wish I was gay, because penises are funny-looking and the people attached to them are certifiably ridiculous (example: Rick Santorum). Alas, I am not.


Is America ready for a wiggy President? And what does it say about the character of somebody who is not prepared to be honest about their follicular deprivation. At least McCain and Bush snr went for the dodgy but defensible overcomb. What if Rick is on an aircraft carrier and the wind blows a gale? These questions need to be asked.

The hair patriot.
Um, thanks for sharing?


Please google santorum salad and post!
Okay:


Thanks for sharing!


I am probably about the 250,000th person to send you this, but I literally fell out of my chair laughing when I saw it, from, of all places, catholic.org:



Catholic.org: Likely the only news website not making Santorum jokes on purpose.



You must be a fucking Asshole leftist seeking freebies from everyone with money.

Go stuff the shit back up your ass.
Ew. No.


You guys will get a kick out of this:

Thanks for sharing!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Ken Jennings Doesn't Want Santorum

One of my favorite followees on twitter is Ken Jennings, Jeopardy champ extraordinaire/Mormon. His tweets are frequently hilarious, but I'm often surprised by how often he outs himself a liberal. You know, because of the whole Mormon thing. Anyway, here's one of his most recent tweets:

I love this man.

In other news, Santorum is totally going to win in Iowa, isn't he? And has anybody checked out CNN today? It's the fucking Santorum channel. Welcome to Bizarro America!

Santorum in Heat

From HuffPo:
The latest poll of Iowa's likely Republican caucus-goers provides more evidence of a race headed toward a photo finish, with Ron Paul, Mitt Romney and a surging Rick Santorum running within two percentage points of each other.
To be honest, I'm a little shocked that everyone seems so surprised about the surging Santorum running toward Romney. While the media was busy ignoring our sticky little friend, Santorum was running in Iowa. Deprived of things like handlers or money or an actual campaign, Santorum chose to concentrate specifically on the Iowa caucus, and has been all over the state for months.

Could he win the poll on Tuesday? Maybe, but it looks more likely that he'll be a close third or second to Romney's win. But as the lower-performing Republicans are forced to drop out of the race (I'm looking at you, Bachmann), it looks as though Santorum will be one of the few who remain. A shot a the vice presidency, now, doesn't seem that far-fetched for our old pal.

This is good news.

You're here reading this disgusting and depraved blog, so I really shouldn't have to tell you that Rick Santorum is unelectable. You know that when a person's singular purpose in life seems to be to alienate as much of middle America as possible, they're not going to be able to win a national election. And whether he's making the claim that the Democratic base is struggling single mothers or insinuating that black people shouldn't be pro-choice because of slavery, nothing alienates people like Santorum.

No, it is not.

I say good for Rick. Let's spread that Santorum all over the GOP. Because while all the candidates are a bit pathetic, Rick Santorum is the dumbest bigot of them all, and I'm fairly certain that's not what most Americans are looking for in a president.